LONGSUFFERING WITH ONE ANOTHER

LONGSUFFERING WITH ONE ANOTHER

By Rev. Samuel Arimoro

Main Text: Ephesians 4:1-3

Key Verse: “With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;” (Ephesians 4:2, KJV).

Supporting Texts: Colossians 3:12-13; Galatians 5:22-23; Proverbs 14:29; Romans 12:17-21; James 1:19-20; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; 1 Thessalonians 5:14-15; 2 Timothy 2:24-25.

Description: This message teaches believers how to practise longsuffering through patience, love, forgiveness, self-control, and perseverance in their relationships with others.

INTRODUCTION

Longsuffering is the ability to remain patient, loving, and self-controlled when dealing with difficult people, frustrating situations, repeated disappointments, or prolonged challenges. It means refusing to allow anger, irritation, or the desire for revenge to control our conduct. Longsuffering does not mean that we approve of wrongdoing or remain silent in the face of injustice. Rather, it means responding in a manner that honours God while exercising patience, wisdom, and love.

In Ephesians 4:1-3, the Apostle Paul urges believers to walk worthy of their calling, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love, and endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Paul understood that believers come from different backgrounds and have different personalities, levels of maturity, strengths, and weaknesses. Maintaining unity in the church and healthy relationships in the family requires more than spiritual knowledge; it requires patience and a willingness to bear with one another in love.

Longsuffering is essential because relationships are tested by misunderstandings, offences, unmet expectations, and human weaknesses. Without patience, minor disagreements can become major conflicts, and temporary disappointments can destroy valuable relationships. God calls us to demonstrate the same patience He has shown towards us. As we depend on the Holy Spirit, we can learn to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively, correct others without cruelty, forgive without bitterness, and pursue peace without compromising truth. Longsuffering is not merely enduring people; it is allowing God's character to govern how we treat them.

1. UNDERSTAND THE MEANING AND IMPORTANCE OF LONGSUFFERING

Longsuffering is more than keeping quiet when we are annoyed. It is a disposition of the heart that enables us to remain patient under provocation and slow to retaliate when others disappoint or offend us. It reflects spiritual maturity because it requires us to control our emotions and choose a response that pleases God.

In the Christian life, longsuffering protects relationships, preserves fellowship, and gives people room to grow. It helps us remember that we also have weaknesses and depend daily on God's mercy.

a) Longsuffering Is a Fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)

The fruit of the Spirit includes love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. This teaches us that genuine patience is part of the character the Holy Spirit develops in believers.

Some people may naturally be calm, while others may have a more reactive temperament. Regardless of personality, every believer is called to grow in patience. As we submit to the Holy Spirit, He helps us control our responses, resist the urge to retaliate, and deal with people in a manner consistent with the character of Christ.

b) Longsuffering Requires Slowness to Anger (Proverbs 14:29)

“He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.”

A person who is quick to anger often speaks or acts before considering the consequences. Such reactions can damage trust, create unnecessary conflict, and cause lasting pain. Scripture therefore associates patience with understanding and wisdom.

Being slow to anger does not mean that we never experience frustration. It means that we do not allow frustration to dictate our behaviour. When you feel provoked, pause, pray, consider the facts, and choose your words carefully. A moment of self-control can prevent a situation from becoming much worse.

c) Longsuffering Makes Room for Human Growth (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

Paul instructs the church to warn the unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, and be patient towards all. This shows that people do not all need the same response. Some need correction, others need encouragement, and some need practical support.

Longsuffering helps us recognise these differences. Rather than expecting everyone to mature at the same pace, we learn to respond appropriately while maintaining biblical standards. We can be patient with a person's growth without excusing destructive behaviour or abandoning our responsibility to speak the truth.

d) Longsuffering Is Necessary for Christian Unity (Ephesians 4:2-3)

Paul places longsuffering alongside humility, meekness, love, and the preservation of the unity of the Spirit. This connection shows that unity requires deliberate patience. A church cannot remain healthy if every disagreement becomes a battle and every offence becomes a reason for separation.

In families, friendships, and congregations, longsuffering allows people to work through differences without abandoning their commitment to one another. It encourages honest communication, reconciliation, and mutual respect. By exercising patience, we help preserve the peace and fellowship that honour Christ.

Biblical Example: Abraham and Lot (Genesis 13:5-12)

When Abraham's herdsmen and Lot's herdsmen experienced conflict over grazing land, Abraham did not insist on his personal advantage. He allowed Lot to choose the land he preferred, helping to prevent the disagreement from becoming a lasting quarrel. Abraham's response illustrates the value of patience, restraint, and a willingness to preserve peace rather than insist on winning every dispute.

2. FOLLOW GOD'S EXAMPLE OF PATIENCE

The greatest example of longsuffering is God Himself. Throughout Scripture, we see His patience towards humanity despite repeated disobedience, rebellion, and failure. God is holy and does not approve of sin, yet He demonstrates mercy and gives people opportunities to repent.

When we remember how patient God has been with us, we become more willing to extend patience to others. We must never use God's patience as an excuse for sin, but we should allow His mercy to shape the way we treat people.

a) God Is Slow to Anger (Psalm 103:8)

“The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.”

God's patience flows from His merciful and gracious character. He does not respond to every human failure with immediate judgement. He gives people opportunities to turn from wrongdoing and return to Him.

This truth should influence our relationships. When someone disappoints us, we should not rush to condemn them or assume the worst. We can seek understanding, allow room for honest explanation, and respond with wisdom. Reflecting God's patience does not require us to ignore wrongdoing; it requires us to respond without vindictiveness.

b) God's Patience Gives Opportunity for Repentance (2 Peter 3:9)

Peter explains that the Lord is longsuffering and not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. God's patience demonstrates His desire for people to turn from sin and receive His salvation.

In our relationships, patience can create opportunities for change. A harsh and condemning response may close the door to conversation, while a truthful and compassionate approach may help someone recognise their error. We should speak against wrongdoing while still desiring the repentance, restoration, and spiritual growth of the person involved.

c) Christ Demonstrated Perfect Patience (1 Timothy 1:15-16)

Paul describes himself as a former blasphemer, persecutor, and injurious person, yet he received mercy through Jesus Christ. He explains that Christ demonstrated His longsuffering in him as an example to those who would later believe.

Paul's life reminds us that God's grace can transform people whose past appears deeply troubling. Therefore, we should not quickly conclude that someone can never change. We must maintain biblical discernment, but we should also leave room for God's transforming work in people's lives.

d) Remember the Patience God Has Shown You (Romans 2:4)

Paul teaches that God's goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering are intended to lead people to repentance. God's patience is not permission to continue in sin; it is an expression of mercy that calls us to change.

When we remember our own need for mercy, we become less judgemental and more compassionate. We recognise that our growth has required God's correction, forgiveness, and continued grace. This awareness should make us patient with others while encouraging them to grow in righteousness.

Biblical Example: Jesus and Peter (Luke 22:31-34; John 21:15-19)

Peter confidently declared that he would remain faithful to Jesus, but later denied Him three times. After His resurrection, Jesus restored Peter and recommissioned him to care for His people. Jesus did not pretend that Peter's denial was insignificant, but He dealt with him in a way that brought restoration and renewed responsibility. This demonstrates how patience and grace can help a repentant person recover and fulfil God's purpose.

3. PRACTISE LONGSUFFERING IN YOUR WORDS AND RESPONSES

Many conflicts become worse because of careless words, impulsive reactions, and the desire to defend personal pride. A person may begin with a legitimate concern but express it in a way that causes unnecessary damage. Longsuffering teaches us to control our speech and emotions so that our responses reflect godly wisdom.

We cannot control every word spoken to us, but we can take responsibility for the words that come from our own mouths. Through the help of the Holy Spirit, we can learn to respond with truth, firmness, gentleness, and self-control.

a) Be Swift to Hear and Slow to Speak (James 1:19-20)

James instructs believers to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath. He explains that the wrath of man does not work the righteousness of God.

Listening carefully helps us understand what another person is actually saying before drawing conclusions. Sometimes conflict arises because we respond to assumptions rather than facts. When we listen patiently, ask questions, and consider the full situation, we are more likely to respond wisely.

Being slow to speak also gives us time to examine our motives. We should ask whether our words will correct, encourage, or solve a problem, or whether they will simply express anger. Longsuffering enables us to choose words that serve God's purpose rather than our immediate emotions.

b) A Gentle Answer Can Turn Away Wrath (Proverbs 15:1)

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

Harsh words often produce defensive reactions and intensify conflict. A gentle answer can lower tension and make constructive discussion possible. This does not mean that every angry person will immediately become calm, but our response can prevent us from adding unnecessary fuel to the fire.

When dealing with an angry spouse, colleague, church member, or neighbour, do not assume that matching their tone will solve the problem. Speak clearly and respectfully. If the discussion becomes too heated, it may be wise to pause and return to it when both parties can communicate more calmly.

c) Refuse to Repay Evil for Evil (Romans 12:17-18)

Paul instructs believers not to repay evil for evil and to live peaceably with all people as far as it depends on them. Christian patience requires us to resist the desire for revenge.

When someone insults or mistreats you, you may feel tempted to respond in the same manner. But retaliation often prolongs conflict and damages your testimony. Longsuffering allows you to seek a just and appropriate response without becoming controlled by hatred or the desire to hurt the other person.

d) Exercise Self-Control Under Provocation (Proverbs 16:32)

Scripture declares that a person who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and one who rules their spirit is greater than one who captures a city. This highlights the strength required to govern our own reactions.

Self-control does not mean suppressing every concern or refusing to speak about genuine problems. It means choosing the right time, tone, and approach. A spiritually mature believer can express disagreement without abuse, set boundaries without hatred, and confront wrongdoing without losing self-control.

Biblical Example: David Sparing Saul (1 Samuel 24:1-12)

David had an opportunity to kill Saul, who was pursuing him unjustly. His men encouraged him to take advantage of the situation, but David refused to take revenge into his own hands. He chose restraint and entrusted the outcome to God. David's conduct demonstrates that patience and self-control can keep us from committing acts we may later regret.

4. BEAR WITH ONE ANOTHER IN LOVE

Ephesians 4:2 commands believers to forbear one another in love. Forbearance means exercising patience and tolerance towards the weaknesses and differences of others. It recognises that people are still growing and that healthy relationships require grace.

However, forbearance is not an instruction to tolerate abuse, conceal serious wrongdoing, or allow harmful conduct to continue without accountability. Christian love combines patience with truth. We should seek the good of others while maintaining appropriate boundaries and addressing destructive behaviour in a wise and godly manner.

a) Recognise That Everyone Has Weaknesses (Romans 3:23)

“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”

The Bible reminds us that all humanity has fallen short of God's glory. Even after salvation, believers continue to grow in knowledge, character, and maturity. Recognising this should make us more compassionate towards others.

We must not expect perfection from people while demanding unlimited patience for ourselves. When others make mistakes, we should consider whether correction, encouragement, instruction, or practical help would be more useful than condemnation. Patience does not eliminate standards; it helps us uphold them with grace.

b) Forgive One Another as Christ Forgave You (Colossians 3:12-13)

Paul commands believers to put on compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and longsuffering, forgiving one another as Christ forgave them. Forgiveness is central to the way Christians relate to each other.

Unforgiveness can keep an offence alive in our hearts long after the event has passed. It can influence our thoughts, poison our conversations, and affect unrelated relationships. Through God's grace, we can release personal vengeance and choose not to nurture bitterness. Rebuilding trust may take time and require genuine repentance, but forgiveness frees us to pursue healing without being governed by resentment.

c) Help the Weak Rather Than Despise Them (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

Paul calls the church to support the weak and be patient towards all. This instruction teaches us to respond to people according to their needs rather than treating everyone with the same harsh expectation.

A struggling believer may need teaching, encouragement, accountability, or practical assistance. A person who repeatedly fails may need clear boundaries as well as patient guidance. Longsuffering helps us ask what response is most likely to promote truth, responsibility, and spiritual growth.

d) Restore Others in a Spirit of Meekness (Galatians 6:1)

Paul instructs believers to restore someone overtaken in a fault in a spirit of meekness, while taking care to watch themselves. The goal of correction should be restoration, not humiliation or revenge.

When a person has done wrong, we should not use their failure as an opportunity to prove our superiority. We should address the matter honestly, follow appropriate processes, and encourage repentance and change. Longsuffering enables us to remain compassionate without abandoning truth or accountability.

Biblical Example: Joseph Forgiving His Brothers (Genesis 45:1-15; 50:15-21)

Joseph was betrayed by his brothers, sold into slavery, and separated from his family for many years. When he later had authority in Egypt, he did not use his position to destroy them. Instead, he provided for them and recognised God's providence in his journey. Joseph's story illustrates the power of patience, forgiveness, and trust in God's greater purpose.

5. LONGSUFFERING PRESERVES UNITY IN THE CHURCH AND FAMILY

Unity does not happen automatically. People have different backgrounds, temperaments, preferences, and levels of spiritual maturity. Without longsuffering, these differences can lead to rivalry, division, and broken relationships. But when believers practise patience, they create room for cooperation and mutual understanding.

The church and the family are places where love must be practised, not merely discussed. Longsuffering enables us to remain committed to healthy relationships while dealing with disagreements in a manner that honours God.

a) Endeavour to Keep the Unity of the Spirit (Ephesians 4:3)

Paul tells believers to endeavour to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. The word “endeavour” implies deliberate effort. Unity must be protected through prayer, humility, truthful communication, forgiveness, and mutual respect.

We must resist gossip, factionalism, jealousy, and the tendency to exaggerate disagreements. When problems arise, address them appropriately rather than spreading them unnecessarily. Longsuffering helps us remain committed to the health of the body of Christ even when relationships require work.

b) Let Love Govern Your Relationships (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

Paul teaches that charity suffers long and is kind. It does not envy, boast, behave unseemly, or insist on its own way. Biblical love is therefore more than emotion; it is a pattern of conduct.

When love governs our relationships, we do not treat people as disposable whenever they disappoint us. We seek understanding, speak truthfully, and make room for growth. At the same time, love does not enable destructive behaviour. Genuine love seeks what is good and right, even when difficult conversations are necessary.

c) Practise Patience in Marriage and Family Life (Ephesians 5:21; 1 Peter 3:8-9)

Family relationships bring people into close contact with one another's habits, expectations, and weaknesses. Without patience, small frustrations can accumulate and lead to resentment.

Husbands, wives, parents, children, and relatives all need to practise considerate communication and self-control. Patience helps family members listen, apologise, forgive, and work through disagreements. It does not mean tolerating violence or abuse; it means pursuing relationships marked by love, dignity, responsibility, and safety.

d) Work Together Through Differences (Philippians 2:2-4)

Paul encourages believers to be like-minded, to avoid selfish ambition, and to look not only to their own interests but also to the interests of others. This is essential wherever people must cooperate to accomplish a shared purpose.

In the church, leaders and members may have different views about methods, priorities, or responsibilities. Longsuffering enables them to discuss differences respectfully and seek solutions that honour Scripture and serve the common good. We do not need identical personalities to work together faithfully in Christ.

Biblical Example: The Early Church Resolving a Complaint (Acts 6:1-7)

When a complaint arose that some widows were being neglected in the daily distribution, the apostles did not dismiss the concern. They addressed the issue by proposing a practical solution and appointing qualified men to oversee the work. The church responded constructively, and the ministry continued to grow. This example shows that preserving unity requires listening, patience, practical action, and a willingness to address problems fairly.

6. DEVELOP LONGSUFFERING THROUGH SPIRITUAL MATURITY

Longsuffering is not always easy, especially when we face repeated offences, prolonged delays, or people whose behaviour continually tests our patience. Yet Scripture calls believers to grow in this virtue because it reflects the character of God and strengthens our witness.

We develop longsuffering through the work of the Holy Spirit, the discipline of prayer, obedience to Scripture, and the conscious practice of godly responses. Spiritual maturity does not mean that we never feel frustrated; it means that frustration no longer has to control our decisions.

a) Be Strengthened by God's Power (Colossians 1:11)

Paul prays that believers will be strengthened with all might according to God's glorious power unto patience and longsuffering with joyfulness. This shows that patience is connected to spiritual strength.

When you feel that your patience is exhausted, seek the Lord for grace rather than relying solely on willpower. Pray before reacting, meditate on Scripture, and ask the Holy Spirit to help you respond in a way that honours Christ. God's strength can enable you to remain faithful even when a situation is difficult.

b) Remember That Spiritual Growth Takes Time (Philippians 1:6)

Paul expresses confidence that God, who began a good work in believers, will continue it until the day of Jesus Christ. This reminds us that spiritual growth is a process under God's faithful care.

We should not become impatient with every sign of imperfection in ourselves or others. Growth requires teaching, practice, correction, and perseverance. Continue to pursue holiness and encourage others to do the same, trusting God to continue His work while taking responsibility for the steps He has placed before you.

c) Follow the Example of Faithful Believers (Hebrews 6:12)

Hebrews encourages believers to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises. The lives of faithful believers remind us that God's purposes often require perseverance.

When you face prolonged difficulty, remember the biblical examples of Abraham, Joseph, David, and others who waited upon God. Their stories do not promise that every situation will unfold exactly as we desire, but they teach us to remain faithful and trust God's character through changing circumstances.

d) Continue Doing Good Without Giving Up (Galatians 6:9)

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”

Longsuffering also applies to the ongoing work of doing good. We may become tired when kindness is not appreciated, when our efforts seem unnoticed, or when progress is slower than expected. God's Word encourages us not to abandon faithful service because of temporary discouragement.

Continue to act with integrity, love, and responsibility. Seek rest and wise support when needed, but do not let frustration turn you into a person who refuses to do good. God values faithfulness, and we should persevere in the work He has entrusted to us.

Biblical Example: Job's Endurance (James 5:10-11; Job 1-2)

Job experienced profound loss and suffering, yet he continued to seek God through his distress. James points to Job as an example of endurance and reminds believers of the Lord's compassion and mercy. Job's story does not teach that suffering is easy or that people must hide their grief. It teaches that we can bring our pain honestly before God and continue trusting Him through difficult seasons.

CONCLUSION

Longsuffering with one another is a vital expression of the Christian life. It enables us to remain patient when people disappoint us, control our words when we are provoked, forgive when we are offended, and pursue unity when differences arise. It does not mean approving of sin, ignoring injustice, or remaining in unsafe situations. Rather, it means allowing the Holy Spirit to govern our responses so that we can uphold truth with love, exercise correction with wisdom, and pursue peace with integrity.

Therefore, examine your relationships and ask God to reveal where impatience, anger, resentment, or unrealistic expectations have taken root. Remember the patience God has shown you, follow the example of Jesus Christ, and depend on the Holy Spirit to develop longsuffering in your heart. Practise listening before speaking, forgiving without nurturing bitterness, and correcting others with meekness. As you grow in patience, may your home, church, ministry, and community experience the peace and love that come from a life governed by Christ.

PRAYER POINTS

1. Father, fill me with the Holy Spirit and develop in me the fruit of longsuffering so that I may reflect the character of Jesus Christ in Jesus name.

2. Lord, deliver me from impatience, uncontrolled anger, irritability, and every habit that causes me to hurt others with my words or actions in Jesus name.

3. Father, give me grace to listen carefully, speak wisely, and respond with self-control whenever I am provoked or misunderstood in Jesus name.

4. Lord, help me to remember the patience You have shown me and teach me to extend mercy, forgiveness, and encouragement to others in Jesus name.

5. Father, heal every relationship damaged by bitterness, harsh words, misunderstanding, or unforgiveness, and guide us towards truth and reconciliation where possible in Jesus name.

6. Holy Spirit, strengthen me to bear with the weaknesses of others in love while maintaining godly boundaries and upholding the truth of Your Word in Jesus name.

7. Father, make me an instrument of unity and peace in my family, church, ministry, workplace, and community in Jesus name.

8. Lord, grant me wisdom to correct others with meekness and compassion, and deliver me from every desire to humiliate, condemn, or retaliate in Jesus name.

9. Father, strengthen me to remain faithful and patient through prolonged challenges, disappointments, and seasons of waiting in Jesus name.

10. Lord, let my life demonstrate Your longsuffering, love, and grace, and help me to walk worthy of my calling in every relationship in Jesus name.

PROPHETIC DECLARATIONS

1. You are receiving fresh grace from the Holy Spirit to grow in longsuffering, and your heart will increasingly reflect the patience, mercy, and compassion of Jesus Christ.

2. You will not be controlled by uncontrolled anger, impulsive speech, or the desire for revenge; you will grow in wisdom and self-control through God's grace.

3. You will receive strength to face difficult relationships with patience and discernment, and you will learn to respond in ways that uphold truth and honour God.

4. Your home and relationships will increasingly be marked by thoughtful communication, forgiveness, mutual respect, and a sincere commitment to peace.

5. You will not allow bitterness to dominate your heart; by God's grace, you will pursue forgiveness and healing while maintaining wise and godly boundaries.

6. You will become an instrument of unity in your family, church, and community, and your conduct will encourage others to pursue peace and reconciliation.

7. You will receive wisdom to correct others with meekness, encourage the weak with compassion, and help those who are growing in their faith.

8. You will not give up on doing good because of temporary disappointment or a lack of recognition; you will remain faithful to the responsibilities God has entrusted to you.

9. You will grow in spiritual maturity, and the Holy Spirit will strengthen you to endure challenges with faith, patience, and a heart that remains submitted to God.

10. Your life will become a testimony of God's patience and transforming grace, and through your words, actions, and relationships, the character of Christ will be revealed, in the mighty name of Jesus.