PUTTING AWAY BITTERNESS

PUTTING AWAY BITTERNESS

By Rev. Samuel Arimoro

Main Text: Ephesians 4:31

Key Verse: “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.” — Ephesians 4:31 (KJV)

Supporting Texts: Ephesians 4:30-32; Hebrews 12:14-15; Colossians 3:12-13; Matthew 6:14-15; Genesis 45:1-15; Romans 12:17-21; Proverbs 10:12; James 3:14-16.

Description: Putting away bitterness means surrendering resentment, anger, and the desire for revenge to God, allowing His grace to heal our hearts and restore our relationships.

INTRODUCTION

Bitterness is a painful condition of the heart that develops when offences, disappointments, betrayal, injustice, or hurt are allowed to remain unresolved. Although being hurt is a human experience, allowing that hurt to grow into persistent resentment can damage our spiritual lives, relationships, and peace of mind. In Ephesians 4:31, the Apostle Paul commands believers to put away bitterness alongside wrath, anger, evil speaking, and malice. This shows that bitterness is not something we should continually nurture; it is a spiritual problem that must be confronted through God's grace.

Paul's instruction appears within his teaching on the new life believers have received through Jesus Christ. In Ephesians 4:30, he warns us not to grieve the Holy Spirit, and in verse 32, he commands us to be kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving, just as God has forgiven us through Christ. Therefore, putting away bitterness is closely connected with our relationship with the Holy Spirit and our understanding of God's mercy towards us. We cannot continually cherish hatred and resentment while ignoring God's call to walk in love and forgiveness.

Many people carry bitterness for years because they feel that forgiving an offender means excusing the wrongdoing or accepting injustice. However, biblical forgiveness does not mean denying the pain, abandoning justice, or allowing continued abuse. It means surrendering vengeance to God, refusing to let resentment control the heart, and choosing a response that honours Christ. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can overcome bitterness, receive healing, and walk in the freedom and peace God desires for His children.

1. BITTERNESS IS A DANGEROUS CONDITION OF THE HEART

Bitterness often begins with a genuine wound. Someone may betray our trust, speak unfairly about us, disappoint us, or treat us unjustly. The danger arises when we repeatedly revisit the offence, feed resentment, and allow the pain to influence our attitudes towards others.

If bitterness is not confronted, it can affect our prayers, relationships, judgement, and spiritual growth. God wants us to acknowledge our wounds honestly and bring them to Him rather than allowing them to become a source of continuing spiritual bondage.

a) Bitterness Takes Root in the Heart (Hebrews 12:15)

“Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” — Hebrews 12:15 (KJV)

The writer of Hebrews describes bitterness as a root. A root may remain hidden beneath the ground while gradually spreading and producing visible consequences. In the same way, resentment may begin privately in the heart but eventually affect our words, behaviour, relationships, and spiritual outlook.

The verse also warns that bitterness can trouble many people. A bitter person may transfer personal pain into a marriage, family, church, workplace, or friendship. One unresolved offence can influence how a person treats people who had nothing to do with the original injury.

We must therefore deal with bitterness before it grows deeper. This requires honesty, prayer, forgiveness, and a willingness to receive God's healing.

Practical application: Examine your heart and identify any resentment you have been carrying. Bring it before God and ask Him to uproot every seed of bitterness.

b) Bitterness Produces Anger and Evil Speaking (Ephesians 4:31)

“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.” — Ephesians 4:31 (KJV)

Paul places bitterness alongside wrath, anger, shouting, evil speaking, and malice. These attitudes and actions are closely connected. When resentment remains unchecked, it may eventually appear through insults, harsh words, gossip, hostility, and the desire to hurt another person.

A bitter heart often interprets the actions of others negatively and struggles to respond with patience. It may continually rehearse past offences and seek opportunities to remind others of their failures.

God calls believers to put away these destructive patterns rather than justify them. We must allow the Holy Spirit to change both our inner attitudes and outward behaviour.

Practical application: Refuse to use your words as weapons. When offended, pause before responding, pray for wisdom, and speak in a way that promotes truth and peace.

c) Bitterness Destroys Peace and Relationships (Proverbs 15:1)

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” — Proverbs 15:1 (KJV)

Bitterness makes peaceful relationships difficult because it often causes people to respond from old wounds rather than from the realities of the present situation. A simple disagreement may become a major conflict when unresolved resentment is involved.

Families, marriages, friendships, and church communities can suffer when people refuse to forgive or continually bring up past offences. Instead of seeking restoration, they may become suspicious, defensive, and hostile.

God's wisdom teaches us to respond with gentleness rather than escalating conflict. A gentle answer does not mean weakness; it is evidence of self-control and spiritual maturity.

Practical application: Choose calm and respectful communication during disagreements. Address problems honestly without insults, threats, or unnecessary accusations.

d) Bitterness Opens the Door to Further Sin (James 3:14-16)

“But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.” — James 3:14, 16 (KJV)

James warns that bitter envy and selfish ambition produce confusion and destructive behaviour. When bitterness rules the heart, a person may become jealous of another's success, rejoice in another's failure, spread false information, or seek revenge.

Such conduct contradicts the wisdom that comes from God, which is pure, peaceable, gentle, and full of mercy. Bitterness does not remain an isolated emotion; it can influence decisions and lead to further wrongdoing.

The believer must therefore confront bitterness at its source and refuse to allow resentment to dictate conduct.

Practical application: When you notice jealousy, hostility, or the desire for revenge, take it to God immediately. Ask Him to purify your motives and help you desire what is good.

Biblical Example: Absalom's Bitterness Against Amnon (2 Samuel 13:22-29)

After Amnon violated Tamar, Absalom became deeply hostile towards him. Rather than resolving the matter through a godly process, Absalom concealed his hatred and eventually arranged Amnon's death.

Absalom's actions demonstrate how hatred that is secretly nurtured can grow into destructive revenge. The example warns us against allowing unresolved anger to govern our decisions. In the face of serious wrongdoing, we should seek truth, protection, and justice without surrendering our hearts to vengeance.

2. BITTERNESS MUST BE CONFRONTED THROUGH GOD'S GRACE

Putting away bitterness begins with acknowledging the hurt rather than pretending it does not exist. God does not require us to deny our pain; He invites us to bring our wounds to Him and allow His truth to guide our response.

We must also recognise that forgiveness is a decision of obedience, although emotional healing may take time. As we pray, reflect on Scripture, and take wise practical steps, the Holy Spirit can help us release resentment and recover our peace.

a) Acknowledge Your Hurt Before God (Psalm 62:8)

“Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.” — Psalm 62:8 (KJV)

God invites His people to pour out their hearts before Him. We do not need to hide our pain, confusion, disappointment, or sorrow. Honest prayer allows us to bring our wounds into God's presence instead of allowing them to remain buried within us.

Some people become bitter because they feel they must appear strong. Others remain silent because they fear being misunderstood. However, God knows our hearts and invites us to seek Him in truth.

Acknowledging pain is not the same as feeding resentment. We can tell God exactly how we feel while asking Him to help us respond in a way that pleases Him.

Practical application: Tell God honestly what hurt you. Ask for healing, wisdom, and the grace to respond without hatred or revenge.

b) Renew Your Mind with God's Word (Romans 12:2)

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” — Romans 12:2 (KJV)

Bitterness often grows through repeated thoughts about an offence. We replay conversations, imagine arguments, and continually remind ourselves of what another person did. Over time, these thoughts can strengthen resentment.

God calls us to the renewing of our minds. This means allowing His truth to challenge our assumptions, correct our attitudes, and guide our responses. Instead of repeatedly rehearsing the offence, we can meditate on God's faithfulness, justice, mercy, and commands concerning forgiveness.

Renewing the mind does not erase the facts of what happened. It changes the way we process the experience and respond to it.

Practical application: When painful memories arise, pray and replace revengeful thoughts with Scripture. Focus on what God requires of you today rather than continually reliving yesterday's offence.

c) Surrender Revenge to God (Romans 12:19)

“Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” — Romans 12:19 (KJV)

One reason bitterness persists is the desire to make an offender suffer. We may believe that peace will come only when the other person experiences the same pain they caused us.

Paul teaches that vengeance belongs to God. This does not mean that wrongdoing should be ignored or that victims should be prevented from seeking protection and justice. Rather, we must not take personal revenge or allow hatred to rule our hearts.

God sees every injustice and judges with perfect knowledge. Trusting Him allows us to pursue appropriate justice without becoming consumed by retaliation.

Practical application: Give up the desire to punish the offender personally. Where necessary, seek lawful protection, wise counsel, and proper accountability while leaving final judgement to God.

d) Ask the Holy Spirit to Heal Your Heart (Psalm 147:3)

“He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” — Psalm 147:3 (KJV)

God is not indifferent to the pain of His children. Scripture reveals Him as the One who heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds. His healing may involve prayer, time, wise counsel, supportive relationships, and practical steps towards safety and restoration.

The Holy Spirit helps us face painful memories without allowing them to control our future. He can strengthen us to forgive, establish healthy boundaries, and regain the peace that bitterness has disturbed.

Healing does not always mean that every memory disappears. It means that the wound no longer has the same power to govern our thoughts, decisions, and relationships.

Practical application: Continue seeking God for healing. If the hurt is severe or ongoing, seek support from a trusted pastor, mature Christian counsellor, or qualified professional.

Biblical Example: Hannah Poured Out Her Soul Before God (1 Samuel 1:9-18)

Hannah experienced deep sorrow because of her barrenness and the provocation she endured from Peninnah. Rather than allowing her distress to drive her away from God, she poured out her soul before the Lord in prayer.

Although Hannah's situation was not described as bitterness, her response illustrates a valuable principle: bring deep emotional pain to God rather than allowing it to rule your heart. She left the place of prayer with a changed countenance before the answer to her request had arrived.

Her example encourages us to seek God sincerely when we are hurting and to trust Him through the process of healing.

3. FORGIVENESS IS GOD'S WAY OUT OF BITTERNESS

Forgiveness is central to the Christian life because we have received forgiveness through Jesus Christ. God does not call us to forgive because every offence is small or every offender is repentant. He calls us to forgive because His mercy has transformed our relationship with Him.

Forgiveness releases us from the responsibility of personal vengeance and allows us to pursue peace without being controlled by resentment. It may take time for painful emotions to settle, but we can begin by obeying God's Word and asking for His help.

a) Forgive as God Has Forgiven You (Ephesians 4:32)

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” — Ephesians 4:32 (KJV)

Paul presents God's forgiveness as the pattern for Christian forgiveness. We have all needed God's mercy, and we cannot rightly celebrate His forgiveness while deliberately nurturing hatred towards others.

Forgiveness does not declare the offender innocent. It means that we refuse to make hatred and retaliation the governing principles of our lives. We entrust judgement to God and choose to act according to His Word.

The forgiveness we have received through Christ should soften our hearts and make us willing to extend mercy to others.

Practical application: Remember how much God has forgiven you. Ask Him to help you extend that same spirit of mercy to those who have offended you.

b) Forgive from the Heart (Matthew 18:21-22, 35)

Jesus taught His disciples to forgive repeatedly rather than keep a record of offences. His teaching challenges the attitude that forgiveness should be offered only a limited number of times.

Forgiving from the heart means that we genuinely surrender our desire for revenge and stop deliberately nurturing hatred. It does not necessarily mean that trust is immediately restored. Trust may need to be rebuilt through honesty, repentance, and consistent changed behaviour.

Forgiveness is often a process in which we repeatedly bring painful memories to God and renew our decision to respond in obedience.

Practical application: When resentment returns, remind yourself of your decision to forgive. Pray for strength and refuse to rehearse revengeful thoughts.

c) Pursue Peace Where Possible (Romans 12:18)

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” — Romans 12:18 (KJV)

The Bible encourages believers to pursue peace. However, Paul acknowledges that peace is not always possible because relationships involve the choices of other people.

We are responsible for our own conduct, but we cannot force another person to repent, apologise, or change. We can speak truthfully, seek reconciliation, and behave respectfully without pretending that the other person's behaviour is acceptable.

Where there is abuse, threats, or continuing danger, pursuing peace may require firm boundaries and appropriate help rather than immediate closeness.

Practical application: Take reasonable steps to resolve conflict. Apologise when you are wrong, communicate honestly, and seek reconciliation where it is safe and appropriate.

d) Overcome Evil with Good (Romans 12:20-21)

“Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” — Romans 12:20–21 (KJV)

Paul commands believers not to let the evil actions of others turn them into people who respond with evil. Instead, we are to overcome evil with good.

This does not mean rewarding wrongdoing or allowing someone to continue causing harm. It means refusing to become cruel, dishonest, or vindictive simply because another person has behaved wrongly.

Responding with good may involve speaking truthfully, refusing gossip, praying for the offender, and maintaining a godly attitude while taking necessary steps to protect ourselves and others.

Practical application: Refuse to repay insults with insults or wrongdoing with wrongdoing. Let your response demonstrate the character of Christ.

Biblical Example: Joseph Forgave His Brothers (Genesis 45:1-15; 50:19-21)

Joseph's brothers hated him, sold him into slavery, and deceived their father. Years later, Joseph became a ruler in Egypt and had an opportunity to retaliate. Instead, he recognised God's providence and provided for his family during the famine.

Joseph did not deny the evil his brothers had committed. He acknowledged their wrongdoing while recognising that God had worked through the circumstances to preserve life. His response demonstrates how forgiveness can overcome the desire for revenge.

Joseph's example teaches us that our future does not have to be controlled by the people who hurt us. Through God's grace, we can release bitterness and choose a better response.

4. PUTTING AWAY BITTERNESS BRINGS SPIRITUAL FREEDOM AND RESTORATION

Bitterness can consume emotional energy, weaken relationships, and distract us from the work God has given us. When we surrender resentment to the Lord, we begin to recover the freedom to love, serve, pray, and move forward.

Freedom from bitterness does not always mean that relationships return to their former condition. Some relationships require boundaries, accountability, or distance. Nevertheless, our hearts can be free from hatred even when reconciliation is incomplete.

a) Bitterness Must Not Control Your Future (Isaiah 43:18-19)

“Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.” — Isaiah 43:18–19 (KJV)

God encouraged His people to recognise His ability to do a new thing. Although this passage originally addressed Israel's restoration, its principle reminds us that past experiences need not become the permanent definition of our future.

When bitterness controls the heart, a person may become trapped in yesterday's pain and unable to recognise present opportunities. God calls us to learn from the past without allowing it to govern every new relationship or decision.

We cannot change what happened, but by God's grace we can change how we respond and move forward.

Practical application: Learn from painful experiences, establish wise boundaries, and refuse to let an old offence destroy every new opportunity.

b) Guard Your Heart Diligently (Proverbs 4:23)

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” — Proverbs 4:23 (KJV)

Our hearts influence our thoughts, decisions, relationships, and actions. That is why Scripture commands us to guard them diligently.

Guarding the heart does not mean becoming suspicious of everyone or refusing to trust anybody. It means being careful about the attitudes we nurture, the thoughts we entertain, and the influences we allow to shape our character.

When offence comes, we must deal with it promptly rather than allowing it to develop into a permanent attitude.

Practical application: Protect your heart through prayer, Scripture, wise counsel, and healthy relationships. Address offences before resentment takes root.

c) Let the Peace of Christ Rule Your Heart (Colossians 3:12-15)

“And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.” — Colossians 3:14-15 (KJV)

Paul calls believers to put on compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, and love. These qualities are the opposite of the attitudes that sustain bitterness.

Allowing the peace of Christ to rule our hearts means giving His truth authority over our responses. Instead of letting resentment determine our behaviour, we choose to act with patience, mercy, and self-control.

Thanksgiving also helps us remember God's goodness when we are tempted to focus only on what has gone wrong.

Practical application: Practise kindness and gratitude daily. Ask God to help you respond to people from a heart governed by His peace rather than by past pain.

d) Continue Walking in Love (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (KJV)

Biblical love is more than an emotion. It is a way of living that demonstrates patience, kindness, humility, and self-control.

Bitterness causes us to focus on the wrongs of others, while love helps us respond according to God's character. Love does not approve of sin or eliminate the need for justice, but it refuses to nurture hatred and malice.

As we grow in Christ, the Holy Spirit enables us to love people without allowing their wrongdoing to dictate our character.

Practical application: Choose patience over hostility, prayer over revenge, and truth spoken in love over destructive words.

Biblical Example: Stephen Prayed for His Persecutors (Acts 7:54-60)

Stephen was falsely opposed and eventually stoned because of his witness for Christ. Yet, as he was dying, he prayed that the Lord would not lay the sin of his persecutors to their charge.

Stephen's response demonstrates the power of God's grace to sustain a forgiving spirit under extreme pressure. He did not repay hatred with hatred but entrusted himself to God.

His example reminds us that forgiveness is possible through the strength God supplies, even when the pain is severe.

5. THE HOLY SPIRIT EMPOWERS US TO LIVE FREE FROM BITTERNESS

Putting away bitterness is not always easy, especially when the wound is deep or the offence has been repeated. Human determination alone may not be enough to overcome years of resentment. We need the help of the Holy Spirit to renew our minds, strengthen our hearts, and produce the character of Christ in us.

The Holy Spirit does not merely comfort us; He also transforms us. As we yield to His leading, we can learn to respond to offences with wisdom, forgive sincerely, and maintain spiritual discipline.

a) Walk in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16)

“This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.” — Galatians 5:16 (KJV)

The flesh encourages pride, revenge, hostility, and self-centred reactions. The Holy Spirit enables us to respond with love, patience, gentleness, and self-control.

Walking in the Spirit requires daily dependence on God. When we are offended, we must allow the Spirit to guide our thoughts and responses rather than reacting impulsively.

Practical application: Pray before responding to an offence. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you speak wisely and act in a way that honours Christ.

b) Pray for Those Who Hurt You (Matthew 5:44)

“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” — Matthew 5:44 (KJV)

Jesus commands His followers to pray for those who mistreat them. Prayer changes our focus from personal revenge to dependence on God.

Praying for an offender does not mean approving of wrongdoing. It means entrusting that person to God while asking for His will, justice, and transforming grace to prevail.

Prayer can also expose the bitterness within our own hearts and help us develop compassion without abandoning truth.

Practical application: Pray for the person who hurt you. Ask God to deal with the situation justly and to keep your heart free from hatred.

c) Allow the Word of Christ to Dwell in You (Colossians 3:16)

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” — Colossians 3:16 (KJV)

The Word of God provides truth that challenges resentment and teaches us how to live. When Scripture fills our minds, it helps us recognise destructive attitudes and respond according to God's wisdom.

Regular Bible study and meditation remind us of God's mercy, justice, patience, and faithfulness. They also help us understand that our identity is found in Christ, not in the wrongs committed against us.

Practical application: Memorise Scriptures about forgiveness, love, and peace. Meditate on them when painful memories or revengeful thoughts arise.

d) Pursue the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.” — Galatians 5:22-23 (KJV)

The fruit of the Spirit describes the character God desires to develop in believers. Love, peace, patience, gentleness, and self-control are essential qualities for overcoming bitterness.

The Spirit's work in us enables us to respond differently from the way we might naturally respond to an offence. Instead of being controlled by anger, we can practise patience. Instead of seeking revenge, we can exercise self-control and trust God.

Spiritual growth is a continuing process. We must remain yielded to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to shape our character.

Practical application: Ask the Holy Spirit to develop His fruit in you daily. Practise patience, gentleness, and self-control in your relationships.

Biblical Example: Barnabas, the Son of Consolation (Acts 4:36-37; 9:26-27; 15:36-39)

Barnabas was known for his encouragement and willingness to support others. He helped introduce Saul to the apostles when they were afraid of him, and he later supported John Mark despite disagreement over Mark's previous withdrawal from missionary work.

Although Paul and Barnabas disagreed strongly about Mark, Scripture later shows Paul asking for Mark because he was useful to the ministry (2 Timothy 4:11). Barnabas' willingness to support Mark illustrates the value of giving people opportunities to grow and serve.

This example reminds us not to allow disappointment to become a permanent judgement over another person's life. We should combine discernment with grace and leave room for genuine growth and restoration.

CONCLUSION

Bitterness is a destructive condition of the heart that can damage our fellowship with God, disturb our peace, and poison our relationships. Ephesians 4:31 commands us to put away bitterness, anger, wrath, evil speaking, and malice. God calls us to acknowledge our wounds, renew our minds with His Word, surrender vengeance to Him, and forgive as we have been forgiven through Christ. Forgiveness does not mean denying wrongdoing or permitting abuse; it means refusing to let resentment control our hearts while pursuing truth, justice, and peace in a godly manner.

Therefore, make a deliberate decision to release bitterness and seek God's healing. Ask the Holy Spirit to uproot resentment, renew your mind, and produce His fruit in your life. Where necessary, seek wise counsel, establish healthy boundaries, and take practical steps towards peace. Do not allow yesterday's offence to destroy today's joy or tomorrow's opportunities. Through the grace of Jesus Christ, you can overcome bitterness, walk in freedom, and become an instrument of peace and restoration.

PRAYER POINTS

1. Father, uproot every root of bitterness in my heart, in Jesus name.

2. Lord, heal every wound in my heart, in Jesus name.

3. Holy Spirit, help me to forgive those who hurt me, in Jesus name.

4. Father, deliver me from anger and resentment, in Jesus name.

5. Lord, fill my heart with Your peace, in Jesus name.

6. Father, give me grace to overcome evil with good, in Jesus name.

7. Lord, renew my mind through Your Word, in Jesus name.

8. Holy Spirit, produce Your fruit in my life, in Jesus name.

9. Father, restore every relationship that can be healed, in Jesus name.

10. Lord, make me an instrument of peace and love, in Jesus name.

PROPHETIC DECLARATIONS

1. You shall be free from every root of bitterness.

2. You shall walk in forgiveness and peace.

3. Your wounded heart shall receive God's healing.

4. You shall overcome anger through the Holy Spirit.

5. You shall not be controlled by past offences.

6. You shall respond to evil with godly wisdom.

7. Your heart shall overflow with love and kindness.

8. You shall enjoy greater peace in your relationships.

9. You shall become an instrument of reconciliation.

10. You shall walk in the freedom and grace of Christ.