THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

By Rev. Samuel Arimoro

Main Text: Ephesians 5:22-33

Key Verse: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” — Ephesians 5:25 (KJV)

Supporting Texts: Genesis 2:18-24; Matthew 19:4-6; 1 Corinthians 7:1-5; Colossians 3:18-19; 1 Peter 3:1-7.

Description: This sermon explains God's design for Christian marriage, emphasising sacrificial love, godly submission, mutual respect, faithfulness, and the reflection of Christ's relationship with the Church.

INTRODUCTION

Marriage is God's idea, not merely a human tradition or a social arrangement. From the beginning, God established marriage as a sacred covenant between a man and a woman. Genesis 2:18 declares, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” God created marriage to provide companionship, mutual support, intimacy, fruitfulness, and a partnership through which His purposes can be fulfilled on earth. Therefore, Christian marriage must be understood and practised according to God's Word rather than the changing standards of society.

In Ephesians 5:22-33, the Apostle Paul presents marriage as a living picture of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His Church. He teaches wives to submit to their own husbands as unto the Lord and commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it. These instructions are not invitations to selfish control or oppression. They reveal a divine pattern in which the wife responds with godly respect and the husband leads through sacrificial love. Both husband and wife are called to honour Christ in their relationship.

Today, many marriages face serious challenges, including poor communication, financial pressure, unfaithfulness, selfishness, unforgiveness, unrealistic expectations, and the influence of ungodly values. Some couples live together without enjoying genuine companionship, while others remain married but have lost the affection and unity that should characterise their relationship. God's Word provides a foundation for restoring love, strengthening commitment, and building a home that honours Him. When Christ becomes the centre of a marriage, the couple receives a firm spiritual foundation upon which to build their life together.

1. MARRIAGE IS GOD'S DIVINE INSTITUTION

Christian marriage begins with the recognition that God is its Author. A marriage that honours God must be built according to His principles. Feelings, attraction, financial benefits, and family expectations may influence a decision to marry, but they cannot replace the spiritual foundation of a covenant made before God.

When couples understand that marriage belongs to God, they become more careful about their choices, attitudes, responsibilities, and conduct. They learn that marriage is not merely about personal satisfaction but also about glorifying God through a faithful partnership.

a) God Established Marriage From the Beginning (Genesis 2:21-24)

God formed the woman and brought her to the man. Adam recognised her as bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. The passage concludes that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.

This shows that marriage is not an accidental arrangement. It is a divine institution established for companionship and unity. Couples must therefore seek to honour God's principles rather than build their marriage solely on personal preferences.

Practical Application: Build your marriage on prayer, the Word of God, godly counsel, and a shared commitment to honour Christ.

b) Marriage Is a Covenant of Commitment (Malachi 2:14)

Malachi describes the wife as the wife of a man's covenant. A covenant involves commitment, faithfulness, and responsibility. Marriage is not meant to be abandoned whenever difficulties arise or emotions change.

This does not mean that abuse, danger, or serious wrongdoing should be ignored. Rather, the covenant calls both partners to faithfulness, truthfulness, repentance, and responsible efforts to preserve the marriage. Where there is danger or abuse, safety and appropriate help must be prioritised.

Practical Application: Treat your marriage vows as a serious commitment before God. Be faithful in your words, actions, decisions, and private conduct.

c) Marriage Requires Leaving and Cleaving (Genesis 2:24)

Leaving father and mother does not mean dishonouring one's parents. It means establishing a new primary family relationship. A married couple must learn to make decisions together and maintain appropriate boundaries with extended family members.

When parents, friends, or other relatives are allowed to control every decision, the unity of the marriage can be weakened. Couples need wisdom to receive counsel without surrendering their marital responsibilities.

Practical Application: Honour your parents, but establish healthy boundaries and make important marital decisions together.

d) God Intends Marriage to Produce Unity (Matthew 19:5-6)

Jesus repeated the teaching that husband and wife become one flesh. He then declared, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

Marriage calls two individuals to develop a shared life without losing their individual identities. Unity does not mean that couples must agree on every issue; it means they learn to address their differences with respect, patience, and a commitment to the good of their relationship.

Practical Application: Stop treating your spouse as an opponent. Work together to solve problems and protect the unity of your home.

Biblical Example: Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24:63-67)

Isaac received Rebekah as his wife, and the account describes his love for her. Their marriage reminds us that marriage involves receiving one another with commitment and building a shared life under God's providence.

2. THE WIFE'S CALL TO GODLY SUBMISSION

Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Biblical submission is often misunderstood when separated from the rest of Scripture. It does not mean that a woman has less worth, less spiritual value, or no voice in the home. Men and women are equally created in God's image and are both recipients of His grace.

Submission in Christian marriage is a willing expression of godly respect and order. It must never be used to justify violence, humiliation, coercion, sexual abuse, or the demand that a wife disobey God. A Christian wife remains responsible to God for her conscience and conduct.

a) Submission Is Offered as Service to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22)

Paul connects a wife's submission to her relationship with Christ. Her conduct in marriage is part of her Christian discipleship. She honours the Lord by demonstrating respect, wisdom, faithfulness, and a willingness to work with her husband in building their home.

This is not a command for a wife to become silent or surrender her God-given gifts. A wise wife can speak honestly, offer counsel, raise concerns, and participate meaningfully in family decisions while maintaining respect.

Practical Application: Let your words and actions demonstrate respect, even when you disagree. Express concerns honestly without insults or contempt.

b) Submission Is Not Inferiority (Galatians 3:28)

Galatians 3:28 teaches the spiritual equality of believers in Christ. A wife's submission does not make her less valuable than her husband. Both are loved by God, both can be filled with the Holy Spirit, and both have responsibilities in serving the Lord.

Godly order in the home must never become an excuse for pride or domination. The husband is not called to treat his wife as a servant without rights, but to cherish her as a fellow heir of God's grace.

Practical Application: Recognise and respect your wife's gifts, wisdom, abilities, and spiritual contribution to the family.

c) A Wife's Godly Conduct Can Influence Her Home (1 Peter 3:1-4)

Peter speaks about the power of godly character, including a gentle and quiet spirit. This does not mean that a woman must remain silent in the face of wrongdoing. Rather, it emphasises the lasting influence of inner character, sincerity, and reverence for God.

A wife's godly conduct can encourage peace and strengthen the spiritual atmosphere of the home. Her wisdom, prayer, kindness, and integrity can make a lasting difference in family life.

Practical Application: Cultivate godly character, speak with wisdom, and use your influence to build peace and righteousness in your home.

d) The Wife Is a Partner in God's Grace (1 Peter 3:7)

Peter reminds husbands that their wives are fellow heirs of the grace of life. This truth establishes dignity and mutual responsibility in marriage. A wife is not an object to be controlled but a person to be loved, honoured, and understood.

Christian marriage flourishes when the wife can express herself freely and safely, knowing that her husband values her perspective and treats her with dignity.

Practical Application: Encourage your wife to share her thoughts, participate in decisions, and develop her God-given abilities.

Biblical Example: Abigail (1 Samuel 25:18-35)

Abigail acted with wisdom and courage when her husband Nabal behaved foolishly. Her discernment helped prevent bloodshed. Her example demonstrates that godly character includes wisdom, responsible action, and the courage to respond appropriately to danger.

3. THE HUSBAND'S CALL TO SACRIFICIAL LOVE

Ephesians 5:25 gives husbands a demanding standard: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Paul does not begin by telling husbands to demand obedience. He commands them to love sacrificially. The standard is not the husband's comfort, culture, temperament, or personal preference; the standard is Jesus Christ.

A husband who follows Christ must be prepared to sacrifice selfishness, listen patiently, provide responsible care, protect his family, and seek his wife's good. Biblical leadership is not domination. It is stewardship exercised through love, humility, responsibility, and service.

a) Love Your Wife as Christ Loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25)

Christ's love for the Church was sacrificial. He did not merely speak about love; He demonstrated it by giving Himself. A Christian husband must therefore love his wife through consistent actions, not merely romantic words or occasional gifts.

Sacrificial love may mean adjusting personal plans, sharing burdens, remaining faithful during difficult seasons, caring for a wife when she is ill, and refusing to use anger or authority to intimidate her. It is love that seeks the good of the other person.

Practical Application: Ask yourself daily, “What can I do today to make my wife feel loved, valued, and supported?”

b) Nourish and Cherish Your Wife (Ephesians 5:28-29)

Paul says that a man ought to love his wife as his own body. He nourishes and cherishes himself; similarly, he must care for his wife. Nourishing involves supporting her wellbeing, while cherishing involves treating her as precious.

A husband must not assume that providing money alone fulfils every marital responsibility. Emotional presence, spiritual encouragement, respectful communication, practical assistance, and affection are also important expressions of care.

Practical Application: Provide for your family's needs as you are able, share household responsibilities, and show affection through meaningful daily actions.

c) Honour Your Wife With Understanding (1 Peter 3:7)

Peter commands husbands to dwell with their wives according to knowledge and to give them honour. This requires a husband to learn his wife's concerns, strengths, fears, needs, and hopes. He must not assume that his own perspective is the only one that matters.

Understanding develops through listening and communication. A husband who dismisses his wife's concerns may create emotional distance, but a husband who listens with patience can build trust and companionship.

Practical Application: Set aside time to listen to your wife without interrupting, mocking, or immediately becoming defensive.

d) Lead Through Service and Responsibility (Mark 10:42-45)

Jesus taught that greatness in His kingdom is demonstrated through service. Christian leadership must therefore reject the world's pattern of controlling others for personal advantage.

A husband leads well when he accepts responsibility, seeks God's wisdom, serves his family, admits his mistakes, and sets a godly example. He must never use Scripture as a weapon to silence his wife or excuse wrongdoing.

Practical Application: Lead your family in prayer and godliness, but also be willing to apologise, receive correction, and serve without demanding praise.

Biblical Example: Boaz (Ruth 2:8-16; 3:10-13; 4:9-13)

Boaz demonstrated kindness, integrity, and responsible conduct towards Ruth. He treated her with dignity and acted honourably within the customs and responsibilities of his time. His example reminds husbands that godly character must be seen in respectful treatment and responsible action.

4. CHRIST IS THE PATTERN FOR EVERY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

Paul does not present marriage merely as a partnership between two people. He uses it to illustrate the relationship between Christ and the Church. The Church belongs to Christ, receives His love, and is called to respond to Him in faithfulness. Christian marriage should similarly reflect devotion, care, unity, and covenant faithfulness.

No human husband can love perfectly as Christ does, and no human wife can reflect the Church's response without fault. Nevertheless, Christ provides the standard towards which both partners must grow. The closer each partner walks with Jesus, the better equipped each becomes to love, forgive, serve, and remain faithful.

a) Christ Is the Head of the Church (Ephesians 5:23)

Paul identifies Christ as the Head of the Church and Saviour of the body. His headship is inseparable from His saving love and responsibility for His people. A husband must never interpret this passage as permission to behave like a tyrant.

The husband is accountable to Christ for how he treats his wife. His leadership must be shaped by the character of Jesus, who came not to be served but to serve. Authority without love misrepresents Christ's example.

Practical Application: Before making important decisions, ask whether your actions reflect Christ's humility, truth, love, and concern for others.

b) Christ Sanctifies and Cares for His Church (Ephesians 5:26-27)

Christ gave Himself for the Church to sanctify and cleanse her through the Word. His purpose is to present the Church holy and without blemish. This reveals the depth of His commitment and His desire for the spiritual wellbeing of His people.

In marriage, husbands and wives should encourage one another's spiritual growth. Neither partner should deliberately tempt the other into sin, belittle spiritual convictions, or obstruct faithful service to God.

Practical Application: Pray together when possible, study Scripture, encourage church attendance, and support one another in becoming more Christlike.

c) Marriage Reflects Christ's Faithful Love (Ephesians 5:25, 32)

Paul describes the relationship between Christ and the Church as a great mystery. Marriage becomes a testimony when a husband and wife demonstrate steadfast love, respect, forgiveness, and faithfulness.

The world often defines love by temporary feelings. Christian marriage demonstrates that genuine love includes commitment, truth, patience, and daily acts of kindness. Feelings matter, but they need to be sustained by godly choices.

Practical Application: Renew your commitment through faithful actions. Do not allow neglect, resentment, or outside influences to replace the love you promised to show.

d) Both Partners Must Grow in Christlikeness (Romans 8:29)

God's purpose is that believers be conformed to the image of His Son. Marriage can expose selfishness, impatience, pride, and immaturity, but these challenges can also become opportunities for spiritual growth when addressed in humility and truth.

Neither spouse should concentrate only on correcting the other. Each must allow God's Word to examine personal attitudes and behaviour. A healthy Christian marriage is not built by one perfect partner correcting an imperfect one, but by two people who keep submitting their lives to Christ.

Practical Application: Examine your own conduct before criticising your spouse. Ask God to develop patience, humility, kindness, and self-control in you.

Biblical Example: Priscilla and Aquila (Acts 18:24-26; Romans 16:3-5)

Priscilla and Aquila served the Lord together. They helped Apollos understand the way of God more accurately and opened their home for Christian ministry. Their example shows that marriage can become a partnership in spiritual service and hospitality.

5. CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE REQUIRES COMMUNICATION AND MUTUAL RESPECT

Love cannot flourish where communication is consistently hostile, dishonest, or absent. Many marital conflicts grow because couples assume they understand each other without asking questions, or because they express their needs through accusations, silence, and anger. God's Word calls believers to speak truthfully, listen carefully, and treat others with dignity.

Mutual respect does not eliminate every disagreement. It creates a safe and constructive way to handle disagreements. Christian couples must learn to discuss difficult issues without humiliation, threats, or deliberate cruelty.

a) Be Swift to Hear and Slow to Speak (James 1:19)

James teaches believers to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath. This wisdom is essential in marriage. Listening allows each partner to understand the other's concerns before responding.

When couples interrupt, assume bad motives, or prepare their defence before the other person finishes speaking, misunderstandings become harder to resolve. Patient listening communicates that a spouse's feelings and thoughts matter.

Practical Application: Allow your spouse to finish speaking before responding. Repeat what you understood and ask questions when something is unclear.

b) Speak the Truth in Love (Ephesians 4:15)

Truth without love can become harshness, while love without truth can become avoidance. Christian couples need both. Difficult matters should be addressed honestly, but in a manner intended to bring understanding and restoration rather than humiliation.

Insults, public ridicule, threats, and contempt weaken trust. Honest words spoken with kindness help couples address problems without attacking each other's worth.

Practical Application: Discuss problems directly and respectfully. Criticise harmful behaviour without degrading your spouse's character.

c) Let No Corrupt Communication Proceed (Ephesians 4:29)

Paul warns against corrupt communication and commands believers to speak words that minister grace to their hearers. Words spoken in anger can remain in a person's memory long after an argument has ended.

A Christian home should be a place where words encourage, correct constructively, comfort, and strengthen. This does not mean concealing serious problems; it means addressing them without verbal cruelty.

Practical Application: Refuse name-calling, curses, and humiliating remarks. Make a habit of expressing appreciation and encouragement.

d) Forgive One Another (Colossians 3:13)

Every marriage involves two imperfect people. Without forgiveness, small offences can accumulate into bitterness and emotional separation. Paul calls believers to forgive as Christ forgave them.

Forgiveness does not mean pretending that wrongdoing did not occur, excusing abuse, or abandoning the need for accountability. Trust may require repentance, changed behaviour, counselling, and time to rebuild. Where abuse or danger exists, forgiveness should not be used to pressure someone to remain unsafe.

Practical Application: Deal with offences honestly, seek forgiveness when you are wrong, and take practical steps towards reconciliation where it is safe and appropriate.

Biblical Example: Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 16:1-6; 18:9-15; 21:1-7)

The story of Abraham and Sarah records moments of faith as well as conflict, impatience, and misunderstanding. Their experiences remind us that biblical couples were not without struggles. Marriage requires faith in God's promises, honest dealings, and a willingness to learn from mistakes rather than repeat them.

6. FAITHFULNESS AND PURITY MUST BE PROTECTED

Marriage is a covenant of exclusive commitment. Sexual faithfulness, honesty, and wise boundaries help protect the trust on which marriage depends. Christian couples must resist the idea that private conduct does not matter or that emotional and sexual betrayal can be excused because of dissatisfaction at home.

Faithfulness is not sustained by suspicion alone. It grows through integrity, openness, wise decisions, and a shared commitment to honour God. Both spouses must take responsibility for protecting the marriage from avoidable threats.

a) Honour the Marriage Bed (Hebrews 13:4)

Scripture teaches that marriage is honourable and that the marriage bed should be kept undefiled. Sexual intimacy within marriage is not shameful; it is part of God's design for marital union. It must be approached with mutual care, respect, consent, and consideration for one another's wellbeing.

Neither spouse should use sexual intimacy as a weapon or demand it through force or intimidation. Christian intimacy must reflect love and respect rather than selfishness.

Practical Application: Protect the dignity of your spouse, discuss intimate concerns respectfully, and ensure that intimacy is mutual and free from coercion.

b) Flee Sexual Immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

Paul calls believers to flee sexual immorality and to glorify God in their bodies. This principle requires practical boundaries with people and situations that could undermine marital faithfulness.

Secretive relationships, sexually explicit content, and flirtation that violates agreed marital boundaries can weaken trust. Spiritual maturity means recognising danger early rather than assuming that one can play with temptation without consequences.

Practical Application: Establish clear boundaries with others, avoid secretive behaviour, and seek help if a destructive pattern is developing.

c) Be Faithful in Heart and Conduct (Matthew 5:27-28)

Jesus teaches that purity involves more than outward behaviour; it also concerns the heart. A person may damage a marriage through sustained lust, deceit, or emotional attachment to someone outside the covenant even before physical adultery occurs.

Guarding the heart includes taking responsibility for thoughts, media choices, conversations, and relationships. It also requires turning to God for forgiveness and help when temptation arises.

Practical Application: Guard your eyes and thoughts, avoid cultivating inappropriate emotional intimacy, and practise honesty with your spouse.

d) Honour Your Commitments (Proverbs 5:18-20)

Proverbs encourages faithfulness and joy within marriage. A healthy marriage requires ongoing investment rather than assuming that commitment alone will automatically sustain closeness.

Couples should continue to nurture friendship, affection, shared activities, and spiritual companionship. They should address dissatisfaction honestly instead of seeking fulfilment through betrayal.

Practical Application: Make time for one another, express affection, discuss unmet needs respectfully, and seek wise pastoral or professional help when necessary.

Biblical Example: Joseph (Genesis 39:7-12)

Joseph refused the sexual advances of Potiphar's wife, recognising that yielding would be a sin against God. His example teaches that faithfulness requires conviction, courage, and a willingness to flee situations that threaten purity.

7. CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE MUST BE BUILT THROUGH PRAYER AND GODLY PARTNERSHIP

A Christian marriage is more than a shared address or financial arrangement. It is an opportunity for two believers to support one another in fulfilling God's purposes. Prayer, Scripture, wise stewardship, hospitality, service, and mutual encouragement can help establish a spiritually healthy home.

However, spiritual activities should not become tools of control. A husband must not use prayer to avoid listening to his wife, and a wife must not use religious language to shame her husband. Spiritual leadership is genuine when it produces humility, love, truth, and responsible action.

a) Put God at the Centre of Your Home (Joshua 24:15)

Joshua declared that he and his house would serve the Lord. His words express a deliberate commitment to make the worship of God central to family life. Christian couples should decide together what it means to honour the Lord in their daily routines and choices.

A home can have a Bible on the table and still be governed by anger or dishonesty. God's Word must shape how family members speak, manage resources, resolve conflict, and treat one another.

Practical Application: Establish a realistic pattern of prayer, Scripture reading, worship, and Christian service in your home.

b) Pray for One Another (James 5:16)

Prayer brings our needs before God and reminds us that we depend on His wisdom and grace. When couples pray for one another, they can learn to see each other not merely as the source of a problem but as a person who also needs God's help.

Prayer must accompany practical responsibility. Couples should not pray about a problem while refusing to communicate, seek advice, or take necessary action.

Practical Application: Pray regularly for your spouse's spiritual life, health, work, decisions, and emotional wellbeing. Where possible, pray together in a way that is comfortable for both.

c) Manage Resources With Wisdom (Proverbs 21:5)

Proverbs teaches that diligent planning leads towards abundance, while haste can lead to lack. Financial disagreements can place considerable strain on a marriage when couples hide spending, borrow irresponsibly, or refuse to discuss priorities.

Wise stewardship includes budgeting, planning for family needs, practising generosity within one's means, and agreeing on major financial decisions. Both partners should understand the household's financial realities.

Practical Application: Prepare a household budget together, discuss debts and savings honestly, and agree on significant expenditures.

d) Serve God Together (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

Ecclesiastes teaches that two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labour, and one can help the other when either falls. Marriage can provide a strong partnership for serving God and supporting others.

Couples may serve in different capacities, but they should respect each other's gifts and responsibilities. Ministry must not become an excuse to neglect the marriage or family; service to God should be accompanied by faithful care for those entrusted to us.

Practical Application: Identify ways to encourage one another's calling, serve others together, and maintain a healthy balance between ministry and family responsibilities.

Biblical Example: Aquila and Priscilla (Acts 18:1-3, 24-26)

Aquila and Priscilla worked together, opened their lives to Christian ministry, and helped instruct Apollos. Their example shows that a married couple can combine practical responsibility, hospitality, and spiritual service while contributing to the work of God.

CONCLUSION

The Christian marriage is a sacred covenant established by God and designed to reflect the relationship between Jesus Christ and His Church. The wife is called to godly submission and respect, while the husband is commanded to love sacrificially as Christ loved the Church. Both partners must practise faithfulness, purity, forgiveness, honest communication, mutual care, and spiritual responsibility. Marriage does not become Christ-centred merely because the couple attends church; it becomes Christ-centred as they allow His Word to shape their daily choices and relationships.

Whether you are preparing for marriage, newly married, or have spent many years together, you can strengthen your relationship by returning to God's design. Do not allow pride, bitterness, neglect, or selfishness to govern your home. Ask Christ to renew your love, heal your wounds, correct your attitudes, and guide your decisions. Let your marriage become a testimony of His grace, truth, faithfulness, and sacrificial love. A Christian marriage will not be free from every challenge, but with God's help, both partners can continue to grow in wisdom, commitment, and Christlikeness.

PRAYER POINTS

1. Father, establish my marriage according to Your Word, in Jesus name.

2. Lord, teach me to love my spouse with patience and understanding, in Jesus name.

3. Father, remove pride, selfishness, and bitterness from my heart, in Jesus name.

4. Lord, strengthen the unity and peace of my home, in Jesus name.

5. Father, help us to communicate with wisdom and respect, in Jesus name.

6. Lord, preserve our marriage from unfaithfulness and temptation, in Jesus name.

7. Father, heal every wound and restore trust where it is safe and right, in Jesus name.

8. Lord, give us wisdom to manage our resources and responsibilities, in Jesus name.

9. Father, make our home a place of prayer, love, and godliness, in Jesus name.

10. Lord, let our marriage glorify Christ and bless others, in Jesus name.

PROPHETIC DECLARATIONS

1. You will grow in the love and wisdom needed to build a godly marriage.

2. You will receive grace to treat your spouse with dignity and respect.

3. You will overcome selfishness and grow in sacrificial love.

4. You will receive wisdom to resolve disagreements peacefully.

5. You will be strengthened to remain faithful to your marriage covenant.

6. You will experience God's help as you rebuild trust and pursue healing.

7. You will grow in patience, understanding, and godly communication.

8. Your home will become a place of prayer, peace, and spiritual growth.

9. You will receive wisdom to manage family responsibilities with diligence.

10. Your marriage will increasingly reflect the love and faithfulness of Jesus Christ, in the mighty name of Jesus.