KINDNESS, TENDERHEARTEDNESS AND FORGIVENESS

KINDNESS, TENDERHEARTEDNESS AND FORGIVENESS

By Rev. Samuel Arimoro

Main Text: Ephesians 4:32

Key Verse: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” — Ephesians 4:32 (KJV)

Supporting Texts: Colossians 3:12-13; Proverbs 19:22; Luke 6:35-36; Matthew 6:14-15; Matthew 18:21-35; Romans 12:10; 1 Peter 3:8-9; Psalm 145:8-9.

Description: This message teaches believers to demonstrate Christlike kindness, cultivate a compassionate heart, and extend forgiveness to others because of the mercy God has shown us through Jesus Christ.

INTRODUCTION

Christianity is more than attending church, speaking in tongues, preaching the Gospel, or exercising spiritual gifts. It is also the manifestation of the character of Jesus Christ in our daily relationships. In Ephesians 4:32, Apostle Paul identifies three essential qualities that should characterise every believer: kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness. These virtues reveal the condition of our hearts and demonstrate whether the life of Christ is being expressed through us.

The instruction in Ephesians 4:32 follows Paul's command in the preceding verse to put away bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, evil speaking, and malice. God does not merely want us to stop doing evil; He wants us to replace destructive attitudes with godly virtues. It is not enough to stop insulting people if we continue to despise them in our hearts. We must move from bitterness to kindness, from hardness to compassion, and from resentment to forgiveness.

The foundation of these three virtues is God's own character and His gracious treatment of us through Jesus Christ. God has shown us kindness when we did not deserve it, demonstrated mercy towards us in our weakness, and provided forgiveness through the sacrifice of His Son. Therefore, believers are called to treat others in the same spirit of grace. When kindness governs our actions, tenderheartedness shapes our responses, and forgiveness rules our relationships, we become effective witnesses of the transforming power of the Gospel.

1. KINDNESS IS A MARK OF A TRANSFORMED LIFE

Kindness is the quality of showing goodness, consideration, generosity, and helpfulness towards others. It is expressed through our words, actions, attitudes, and willingness to care about the needs of people around us. Biblical kindness is not limited to those who can reward us; it also reaches people who may have nothing to offer in return.

A person may be gifted, knowledgeable, influential, or wealthy and still treat others harshly. However, spiritual maturity should make us increasingly considerate, gracious, and helpful. Kindness reveals that our hearts are being shaped by the character of God rather than controlled by selfishness.

a) Kindness Reflects the Nature of God (Psalm 145:8-9)

Psalm 145:8-9 describes the Lord as gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, and great in mercy. It also declares that His tender mercies are over all His works.

God's kindness is evident in His patience with humanity, His provision for creation, and His invitation for sinners to come to Him through Jesus Christ. He does not treat us merely according to our failures; He offers mercy and calls us to repentance.

As God's children, we are expected to reflect His character. If we claim to know a kind God but constantly treat people with contempt, cruelty, and indifference, our behaviour contradicts our confession.

Show kindness in your home, workplace, church, and community. Treat people with dignity regardless of their position. Let your conduct reveal that you serve a God whose goodness reaches people in their weakness and need.

b) Kindness Must Be Practised Daily (Colossians 3:12)

Colossians 3:12 instructs believers to put on compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and longsuffering as God's chosen people.

The expression "put on" suggests a deliberate choice. Kindness must become part of our daily conduct rather than something we display only when we are happy or when others treat us well.

You can demonstrate kindness by listening patiently, offering practical help, speaking respectfully, encouraging someone who is discouraged, or giving attention to a person who feels overlooked. Even a simple greeting or a sincere word of appreciation can strengthen another person's heart.

Do not wait for special occasions before doing good. Make kindness a daily habit. Look for opportunities to make life easier for others, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you towards people who need encouragement and support.

c) Kindness Should Extend Beyond Those Who Love Us (Luke 6:35)

Jesus taught His followers to love their enemies, do good, and lend without expecting anything in return. This teaching challenges the human tendency to show goodness only to people who are friendly, useful, or agreeable to us.

It is easy to be kind to someone who praises us, agrees with us, or gives us gifts. The real test of kindness often comes when we meet someone who has offended us, misunderstood us, or treated us unfairly.

Kindness does not mean approving wrongdoing or abandoning wise boundaries. It means refusing to allow another person's misconduct to turn us into cruel or hateful people.

When you encounter difficult people, ask God to help you respond with dignity and grace. You may need to correct them, disagree with them, or limit contact with them, but you can still refuse to insult, humiliate, or deliberately harm them.

d) Kindness Can Open Hearts to the Gospel (Romans 2:4)

Romans 2:4 teaches that God's goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering lead people towards repentance.

The kindness of God is not permission to continue in sin. Rather, it reveals His gracious invitation for people to turn from sin and receive His mercy. In the same way, our kindness can help others recognise the reality of Christ's love.

A harsh attitude can make the Gospel appear unattractive, while a life of genuine goodness can create opportunities for meaningful conversations about faith. People often remember how they were treated long after they have forgotten what was said to them.

Let your kindness be sincere and consistent. Do good without constantly seeking recognition. When people ask why you treat them with such consideration, let your answer point them towards Jesus Christ.

Biblical Example: The Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37)

Jesus told the story of a Samaritan who found an injured man on the road. While others passed by, the Samaritan stopped, treated the man's wounds, transported him to an inn, and paid for his care. His kindness crossed social and ethnic boundaries and involved practical sacrifice. This example teaches us that genuine kindness is not merely a feeling; it is compassion expressed through helpful action.

2. TENDERHEARTEDNESS IS THE ATTITUDE OF A COMPASSIONATE BELIEVER

Tenderheartedness means having a heart that is sensitive to the suffering, needs, weaknesses, and feelings of others. It is the opposite of hardness, cruelty, indifference, and an unwillingness to care. A tenderhearted person does not delight in another person's pain or treat human suffering as something unimportant.

Tenderheartedness is not weakness. It is strength governed by love. A tenderhearted believer can speak the truth, correct wrongdoing, maintain boundaries, and stand for righteousness without becoming cruel or insensitive. Such a person combines conviction with compassion and firmness with gentleness.

a) Tenderheartedness Begins With Compassion (Matthew 9:36)

Matthew 9:36 records that Jesus was moved with compassion when He saw the multitudes because they were distressed and scattered, like sheep without a shepherd.

Jesus did not look at suffering people merely as a crowd or an inconvenience. He recognised their needs and responded with compassion. His heart was moved by their spiritual condition and their struggles.

As followers of Christ, we must learn to look beyond outward appearances. The person who behaves badly may be struggling with pain, fear, confusion, or spiritual weakness. This does not excuse wrongdoing, but it reminds us to respond with wisdom rather than immediate contempt.

Ask God to give you eyes to see the needs of others and a heart that is willing to care. Instead of asking only, "Why is this person behaving this way?" also consider, "How can I respond in a manner that honours God and helps bring about what is right?"

b) Tenderheartedness Requires Empathy (Romans 12:15)

Romans 12:15 instructs believers to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.

Empathy is the willingness to recognise and consider another person's feelings and experiences. It enables us to celebrate another person's success without envy and to support someone in sorrow without minimising their pain.

Sometimes people do not need immediate criticism or a lengthy sermon. They may first need someone who will listen, sit with them, pray with them, and help them feel that they are not alone.

Be careful not to dismiss another person's struggle simply because you have not experienced the same thing. What seems small to you may be deeply painful to someone else.

Develop the habit of listening without rushing to judge. Offer encouragement where it is needed, celebrate the victories of others, and give compassionate support to those who are passing through difficult seasons.

c) Tenderheartedness Must Govern Our Treatment of the Weak (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

Paul instructs the church to warn the disorderly, comfort the fainthearted, support the weak, and be patient towards all people.

Notice that different people require different responses. Some need correction, some need comfort, and others need patient support. Spiritual wisdom helps us recognise what is appropriate in each situation.

A tenderhearted believer does not use another person's weakness as an opportunity for mockery. Neither does such a believer ignore harmful behaviour in the name of compassion. Rather, the person seeks to help others grow while preserving their dignity.

In your family and church, be especially mindful of children, new believers, struggling members, elderly people, and those facing difficult circumstances. Correct people without humiliating them, and offer help without making them feel inferior.

d) Tenderheartedness Must Replace Hardness of Heart (Ezekiel 36:26)

In Ezekiel 36:26, God promises to give His people a new heart and put a new spirit within them, removing the heart of stone and giving them a heart of flesh.

A heart of stone is insensitive, stubborn, and resistant to God's correction. Such a heart may become accustomed to harsh speech, cruelty, prejudice, and indifference. Over time, the person may no longer recognise how deeply their conduct affects others.

God desires to transform us from within. He wants to soften our hearts so that we can respond to His Word, recognise the pain we cause, and become willing to change.

If you have become harsh because of repeated disappointments, do not conclude that hardness is your permanent nature. Bring your heart before God. Ask Him to heal your wounds, remove unhealthy resentment, and restore your capacity to love and care for people.

Biblical Example: Jesus Weeps at Lazarus's Tomb (John 11:32-36)

When Jesus saw Mary weeping and the people mourning over Lazarus, He was deeply moved and wept. Although He knew that He would raise Lazarus from the dead, He did not treat the mourners' sorrow with indifference. Jesus' response reveals that divine power and tender compassion are not opposites. We can have faith in God's ability to change a situation while still showing genuine compassion to those who are hurting.

3. FORGIVENESS IS A COMMAND AND A FRUIT OF GOD'S GRACE

Forgiveness means releasing personal vengeance and choosing not to hold an offence against someone as a basis for hatred or retaliation. It does not mean that the wrongdoing was acceptable, that justice is unnecessary, or that trust must be restored immediately. Rather, forgiveness means surrendering the desire to punish the offender personally and allowing God to govern our response.

Forgiveness can be difficult, especially when the offence is serious or repeated. However, Ephesians 4:32 gives us both a command and a reason to forgive: we are to forgive one another as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven us. Our ability to forgive grows as we remember the mercy we ourselves have received.

a) Forgive Because God Has Forgiven You (Ephesians 4:32)

Paul directs believers to forgive one another because God has forgiven them through Christ. The cross is the foundation of Christian forgiveness. We were sinners who needed mercy, and God provided redemption through the sacrifice of His Son.

When we remember how much grace we have received, pride loses its power to convince us that we are always the innocent party and others are always the guilty ones. We recognise that we also need patience, mercy, and correction.

This does not mean that all offences are equally serious. It means that our response must be shaped by the mercy of God rather than by the desire to retaliate.

When someone offends you, remember that you are also a recipient of God's grace. Ask Him to help you release resentment, seek what is right, and respond in a manner that reflects the forgiveness you have received through Jesus Christ.

b) Forgiveness Releases You From the Burden of Resentment (Hebrews 12:15)

Hebrews 12:15 warns believers against allowing a root of bitterness to spring up and cause trouble.

Unforgiveness can keep an offence alive in the heart long after the original event has passed. The person may continually replay the incident, rehearse angry responses, and interpret new situations through the pain of the old one.

Such resentment can affect peace of mind, family relationships, prayer, and fellowship. It may also cause innocent people to suffer because the wounded person begins to treat others with suspicion or hostility.

Forgiveness is not always an instant emotional experience. Sometimes it is a decision that must be reaffirmed as painful memories return. Continue to pray, seek wise support, and refuse to nurture revenge. As you surrender the matter to God, you can begin to live without allowing the offence to control your heart.

c) Forgiveness Does Not Cancel Accountability (Luke 17:3-4)

Jesus taught His disciples to rebuke a brother who sins and to forgive when that person repents, even when forgiveness is needed repeatedly.

Biblical forgiveness does not require us to pretend that wrongdoing never happened. It allows room for truth, correction, repentance, and appropriate consequences. Love does not hide destructive behaviour; it seeks what is right and beneficial.

Where someone has caused harm, you may need to communicate clearly, request restitution, seek pastoral counsel, or involve the appropriate authorities. Where a situation is unsafe, maintaining distance and protective boundaries may be necessary.

You can release hatred while still insisting on accountability. You can forgive someone without immediately trusting them again. Rebuilding trust requires consistent evidence of change, and reconciliation may take time.

d) Forgive Even When the Process Is Difficult (Colossians 3:13)

Colossians 3:13 instructs believers to bear with one another and forgive one another, just as Christ forgave them.

Sometimes the person who offended you may never apologise. They may deny what happened, misunderstand your intentions, or continue to behave wrongly. Waiting for them to acknowledge every detail before beginning the work of forgiveness can keep your heart tied to their actions.

You cannot control whether another person repents, but you can ask God to help you surrender your bitterness and refuse personal revenge. Forgiveness may involve prayer, godly counsel, time, and a deliberate decision to stop feeding resentment.

Do not mistake forgiveness for pretending that you are not hurt. Be honest with God about your pain. Then allow His grace to guide you towards freedom, wisdom, and peace.

Biblical Example: Stephen Forgives His Persecutors (Acts 7:54-60)

As Stephen was being stoned for his testimony about Christ, he prayed that the Lord would not lay the sin of his persecutors to their charge. His response was not based on the idea that their actions were acceptable; he was facing a grave injustice. Yet he refused to respond with personal hatred. Stephen's example demonstrates the power of God's grace to help believers maintain a forgiving spirit even in the face of terrible suffering.

4. GOD'S KINDNESS, COMPASSION, AND FORGIVENESS MUST BEGIN AT HOME

It is possible to appear kind in public while treating family members harshly in private. Some people speak politely to visitors but are impatient with their spouses, children, or relatives. Others show compassion to people outside the church but become unforgiving towards fellow believers. However, Christian character must be demonstrated consistently in every sphere of life.

The home, workplace, and church provide daily opportunities to practise kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness. These virtues become meaningful when they are expressed in ordinary situations, especially when we are tired, disappointed, misunderstood, or required to make sacrifices.

a) Practise Kindness in Your Family (Ephesians 5:25; 6:4)

Scripture calls husbands to love their wives sacrificially and instructs parents not to provoke their children to anger. These principles show that Christian leadership and family responsibility must be exercised with love and consideration.

A family should not become a place where people are constantly afraid of harsh words, humiliation, or angry reactions. Members of a household need correction and discipline, but these must be administered with wisdom and dignity.

Speak respectfully to your spouse. Listen to your children. Appreciate the efforts of family members. When mistakes occur, correct them without turning every failure into an attack on someone's worth.

The strength of a Christian home is demonstrated not merely by public appearances but by the love, patience, kindness, and forgiveness practised behind closed doors.

b) Show Tenderheartedness Towards Fellow Believers (Romans 12:10)

Romans 12:10 teaches believers to be kindly affectionate towards one another with brotherly love and to give preference to one another in honour.

The church is a family of people who are growing in Christ. Although believers share the same faith, they may differ in maturity, background, personality, and understanding. These differences require patience, humility, and compassion.

Do not use a person's weakness as material for gossip or ridicule. Where correction is necessary, approach the matter with truth and love. Where someone is struggling, offer prayer and practical support rather than rushing to condemn them.

A church becomes stronger when members learn to honour one another, celebrate each other's progress, and handle disagreements without allowing them to develop into hostility and division.

c) Be Kind to People Who Cannot Repay You (Luke 14:12-14)

Jesus taught that acts of hospitality should not be limited to those who can return the favour. He pointed His hearers towards helping people who could not repay them.

This principle challenges kindness motivated by personal advantage. Some people are generous only when they expect recognition, influence, gifts, or future assistance. Biblical kindness, however, seeks the good of others because it is right before God.

Look for opportunities to help people who are overlooked. Encourage those who cannot offer you a platform. Support someone in need without turning their situation into a public display. Give assistance according to your ability and with a sincere heart.

God sees acts of kindness that others may never notice. Serve people faithfully without making repayment or applause the condition for doing good.

d) Make Forgiveness Part of Your Relationships (Matthew 5:23-24)

Jesus taught that when a person remembers that a brother has something against them, they should seek reconciliation rather than ignore the matter.

This principle encourages believers to take responsibility for the harm they have caused. Forgiveness is not only about releasing others when they offend us; we must also be willing to admit our own wrongs and seek forgiveness.

If your words have wounded someone, do not hide behind the statement that you were angry. Acknowledge what you did, apologise sincerely, and make appropriate efforts to correct the damage.

Do not allow pride to keep a family, friendship, or church relationship in unnecessary conflict. Where reconciliation is safe and possible, take a humble step towards peace. Even when the other person is not ready, continue to act with integrity.

Biblical Example: The Father Welcomes the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-24)

In Jesus' parable, the father welcomed his returning son with compassion after the young man had wasted his inheritance. The father ran to him, embraced him, and celebrated his return. The story illustrates the joy of restoration and the willingness to receive a repentant person with mercy. It reminds us that loving relationships should make room for repentance, restoration, and renewed commitment.

5. KINDNESS, TENDERHEARTEDNESS, AND FORGIVENESS REVEAL CHRIST TO THE WORLD

The Christian life is a testimony before people who may not yet know Christ. Many will observe our behaviour before they listen carefully to our message. Our kindness, compassion, and willingness to forgive can demonstrate the transforming power of the Gospel in ways that ordinary religious language cannot achieve.

These virtues do not replace the preaching of the Gospel, but they strengthen our witness by showing what the grace of God produces in human lives. When people see believers treating others with dignity, caring for the vulnerable, and refusing to live in hatred, they receive a practical demonstration of Christlike character.

a) Let Your Light Shine Through Good Works (Matthew 5:16)

Jesus instructed His followers to let their light shine before others so that people would see their good works and glorify the Father in heaven.

Good works include more than public religious activities. They include honesty, compassion, generosity, patience, reconciliation, and faithful service in everyday life.

A believer who is always harsh, dishonest, or unforgiving can undermine the message they preach. On the other hand, a life marked by sincere kindness can make the beauty of the Gospel more visible.

Let your conduct at home, at work, in business, and in your community bring honour to God. Do good not to attract praise for yourself, but so that people may recognise the goodness of the Father.

b) Overcome Evil With Good (Romans 12:20-21)

Romans 12:21 says, “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”

The world often encourages retaliation: insult those who insult you, humiliate those who humiliate you, and repay every offence in kind. Christ calls His followers to a different standard.

When you refuse to retaliate, you demonstrate that evil does not have the authority to determine your character. You may still speak against wrongdoing and seek justice, but you refuse to become cruel or vindictive in the process.

Choose good words when insults are directed at you. Refuse to spread malicious rumours. Seek peaceful solutions where possible. Do not allow the wrong actions of another person to become an excuse for abandoning your own obedience to God.

c) Be a Peacemaker in Your Community (Matthew 5:9)

Jesus declared that peacemakers are blessed and shall be called the children of God.

Peacemaking involves more than avoiding arguments. It means taking wise steps to reduce hostility, promote understanding, and encourage reconciliation where appropriate.

A peacemaker listens fairly, refuses to spread rumours, and avoids taking sides without understanding the facts. Such a person encourages honest conversation and helps others seek solutions that are consistent with truth and righteousness.

In your family, church, workplace, and community, refuse to become a source of unnecessary division. Where conflict exists, pray for wisdom to contribute to a constructive solution. Do not fuel hostility for personal advantage or entertainment.

Remember that true peace cannot be built on lies or the concealment of serious wrongdoing. Lasting peace requires truth, justice, accountability, and a willingness to treat people with dignity.

d) Depend on the Holy Spirit to Develop Christlike Character (Galatians 5:22-23)

Galatians 5:22-23 identifies love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance as the fruit of the Spirit.

Kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness cannot be sustained merely by outward appearance. We need the Holy Spirit to work within us, transforming our motives, attitudes, and responses.

As you spend time in God's Word, pray, worship, and obey His leading, allow the Spirit to expose attitudes that contradict the character of Christ. When you fail, repent and return to Him for grace to grow.

Do not settle for merely appearing gentle while harbouring hatred. Ask God to make you genuinely compassionate, sincerely forgiving, and consistently kind. The goal is not simply to behave better in isolated moments, but to become more like Jesus in every area of life.

Biblical Example: Barnabas Encourages Saul (Acts 9:26-28; 11:22-26)

When Saul first came to Jerusalem after his conversion, many believers were afraid of him because of his former persecution of the church. Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles, explaining how Saul had encountered the Lord. Later, Barnabas helped bring Saul into the work at Antioch. His actions demonstrated generosity, encouragement, and a willingness to recognise God's work in another person. Barnabas reminds us that kindness and a compassionate heart can help others find acceptance, opportunity, and a place to grow in God's purpose.

CONCLUSION

Ephesians 4:32 presents kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness as essential expressions of the Christian life. Kindness moves us to do good to others, tenderheartedness enables us to care about their needs and struggles, and forgiveness frees us from the desire for personal revenge. These virtues flow from the mercy God has shown us through Jesus Christ. Therefore, we must reject harshness, cruelty, resentment, and unforgiveness, allowing the Word of God and the Holy Spirit to transform our hearts.

Today, make a deliberate decision to become a channel of God's goodness. Be kind in your words, compassionate in your relationships, and willing to forgive those who have offended you. Where you have caused pain, humble yourself and seek forgiveness. Where others have wounded you, seek God's grace to release bitterness while maintaining wise boundaries and pursuing appropriate justice. Let your home, church, and community experience the love of Christ through your conduct. As you live this way, your life will become a clearer testimony of the transforming power of the Gospel.

PRAYER POINTS

1. Father, make me a vessel of genuine kindness in Jesus name.

2. Lord, remove every hardness of heart from my life in Jesus name.

3. Holy Spirit, fill my heart with compassion for others in Jesus name.

4. Father, give me grace to forgive those who have offended me in Jesus name.

5. Lord, heal every wound that has produced bitterness in my heart in Jesus name.

6. Father, help me to apologise whenever I have wronged others in Jesus name.

7. Lord, make my home a place of love, kindness, and peace in Jesus name.

8. Father, deliver me from pride, resentment, and unforgiveness in Jesus name.

9. Lord, use my life to encourage and strengthen others in Jesus name.

10. Father, make me more like Jesus in my words, actions, and relationships in Jesus name.

PROPHETIC DECLARATIONS

1. You shall reflect the kindness and goodness of God in your daily life.

2. Your heart shall grow tender towards God and compassionate towards people.

3. You shall receive grace to forgive and overcome bitterness.

4. Every root of hatred and resentment shall lose its hold over your heart.

5. Your home shall experience greater love, understanding, and peace.

6. You shall become a source of encouragement and strength to others.

7. Your words shall bring healing, comfort, and restoration.

8. You shall walk in the wisdom to forgive while maintaining godly boundaries.

9. Your life shall shine as a testimony of Christ's transforming grace.

10. You shall grow in kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness, in Jesus' name. Amen.