THE WIFE'S SUBMISSION

THE WIFE'S SUBMISSION

By Rev. Samuel Arimoro

Main Text: Ephesians 5:22-24

Key Verse: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” — Ephesians 5:22 (KJV)

Supporting Texts: Genesis 2:18-24; Ephesians 5:21-33; Philippians 2:3-5; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-6; Proverbs 31:10-31.

Description: This sermon explains the biblical meaning of a wife's submission as a willing expression of respect, godly order, wisdom, and partnership under the lordship of Jesus Christ.

INTRODUCTION

Submission is one of the most discussed and sometimes misunderstood subjects in Christian marriage. Some people interpret it as the loss of a woman's voice, dignity, freedom, or personal identity. Others consider it an outdated instruction that has no place in modern marriage. However, the Christian understanding of submission must be guided by Scripture rather than cultural assumptions, personal preferences, or the misuse of authority. When properly understood, godly submission is not inferiority or slavery; it is a willing response of respect and cooperation within God's design for marriage.

In Ephesians 5:22-24, the Apostle Paul writes, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” He compares the wife's relationship to her husband with the Church's relationship to Christ. This instruction appears within a larger passage that calls believers to live under the influence of the Holy Spirit and, in Ephesians 5:21, to submit themselves to one another in the fear of God. Paul also commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her. Therefore, the wife's submission must never be separated from the husband's responsibility to love sacrificially, cherish his wife, and treat her with honour.

A Christian wife is not called to disappear into her husband's identity or surrender her relationship with God. She remains a person created in God's image, gifted by the Holy Spirit, and accountable to the Lord. Biblical submission involves respect, wisdom, cooperation, faithfulness, and a willingness to contribute to the wellbeing of the marriage. It does not require a wife to participate in sin, endure violence without seeking help, or accept degrading treatment as God's will. When both husband and wife honour Christ and fulfil their responsibilities, their marriage can become a testimony of God's order, grace, and love.

1. SUBMISSION IS GOD'S DESIGN FOR MARITAL ORDER

God is a God of order, and His instructions for marriage are intended to guide couples towards responsible partnership. Ephesians 5:22-24 presents a particular responsibility for wives within the marriage relationship. This responsibility must be understood alongside the husband's command to love as Christ loves the Church and the broader biblical call for believers to honour one another.

God's order is not an excuse for selfish domination. A husband does not become more valuable than his wife because of his role, and a wife does not become less important because she is called to submit. Both are created in God's image and are called to serve Him faithfully.

a) Submission Is Rooted in God's Word (Ephesians 5:22)

Paul's instruction begins with the words, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” The command is addressed specifically to wives in relation to their own husbands. It is not an instruction for every woman to submit indiscriminately to every man.

The phrase “as unto the Lord” places the wife's conduct within her relationship with Christ. Her submission is part of her Christian discipleship and should reflect reverence for God. It must not be interpreted as making her husband equal to Christ or giving him unlimited authority over her conscience.

A Christian wife should seek to honour God in the way she relates to her husband. Her attitude should be shaped by Scripture, prayer, wisdom, and a sincere desire to build a godly home.

Practical Application: Study God's instructions for marriage and practise them from a sincere desire to honour Christ rather than from fear of human beings.

b) Submission Is Part of God's Marital Pattern (Ephesians 5:23)

Paul explains that the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the Head of the Church. This comparison must be understood in the light of Christ's character and conduct. Jesus exercises His authority through truth, holiness, sacrifice, care, and love.

A husband must never use this passage to justify oppression, intimidation, or the denial of his wife's dignity. Christ's example calls husbands to responsible leadership and sacrificial love, not selfish control. A wife's submission operates within a marriage in which her husband is also accountable to God.

Practical Application: Respect your husband's responsibility in the marriage while encouraging him to exercise it with humility, wisdom, and love.

c) Submission Does Not Mean Inferiority (Genesis 1:27)

Genesis 1:27 teaches that God created humanity in His own image, male and female. Both men and women possess God-given dignity and value. A wife's marital role does not diminish her worth before God or remove her gifts, abilities, intelligence, or spiritual responsibilities.

A wife may be gifted in leadership, administration, business, education, ministry, and other areas. Her gifts should be recognised and developed responsibly within the marriage. Godly submission is compatible with wisdom, initiative, courage, and meaningful participation in family decisions.

Practical Application: Maintain your identity in Christ, develop your God-given gifts, and use them to bless your family and others.

d) Submission Must Be Practised in the Fear of God (Ephesians 5:21-22)

Paul introduces his teaching on marriage with the call to submit to one another in the fear of God. This establishes a spirit of humility and reverence that should characterise Christian relationships.

A wife should not approach submission as an opportunity to gain favour through manipulation or as a burden to be performed resentfully. She should approach it as part of her service to God. At the same time, the husband must remember that he too is under Christ's authority and must answer to Him for how he treats his wife.

Practical Application: Let reverence for God govern your words, decisions, attitudes, and conduct within your marriage.

Biblical Example: Mary, the Mother of Jesus (Luke 1:26-38)

Mary responded to God's message with faith and humility, declaring herself the Lord's servant. Her response demonstrates that submission to God's will is an expression of trust and obedience. Her example also reminds Christian wives that their first allegiance is to God, whose purposes must guide their lives.

2. SUBMISSION IS A WILLING EXPRESSION OF RESPECT

Respect is essential to a healthy marriage. A wife who practises godly submission seeks to relate to her husband with honour rather than contempt. Respect does not mean that she must agree with every opinion or remain silent when a matter needs to be discussed. It means that disagreement should be expressed in a manner that preserves dignity and seeks understanding.

Respect must also be distinguished from fear. A wife should not have to live in terror of her husband's temper. Christian respect grows in an atmosphere where both partners recognise each other's dignity and seek the good of the relationship.

a) Honour Your Husband in Your Words (Ephesians 4:29)

Paul teaches believers to speak words that build others up according to their needs. This principle is important in marriage because words can either strengthen trust or produce deep wounds.

A wife should avoid insults, contemptuous remarks, deliberate humiliation, and the public exposure of private disagreements merely to embarrass her husband. She can express concerns honestly without attacking his worth as a person.

Respectful speech does not mean hiding serious problems. It means speaking truthfully in a way that seeks resolution rather than revenge.

Practical Application: Speak to your husband with dignity, raise concerns privately where appropriate, and avoid using words intended to humiliate him.

b) Value His Efforts and Responsibilities (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Scripture encourages believers to comfort and build one another up. A wife can strengthen her marriage by recognising her husband's efforts and expressing genuine appreciation for his contribution.

Many husbands carry responsibilities involving work, finances, family decisions, and other pressures. Appreciation does not require pretending that every decision is correct. It means recognising sincere effort while addressing areas that need improvement with wisdom.

A home where both partners express gratitude is less likely to become dominated by constant criticism and resentment.

Practical Application: Thank your husband for meaningful contributions and encourage his efforts while discussing areas that need attention.

c) Disagree Without Disrespect (Proverbs 15:1)

Proverbs 15:1 teaches that a soft answer turns away wrath, while grievous words stir up anger. A wife may disagree with her husband about finances, parenting, ministry, work, or family responsibilities. The existence of disagreement does not automatically mean that submission has failed.

The way a disagreement is handled matters. Listening, explaining concerns, asking questions, and seeking wise counsel can help couples resolve differences constructively. Submission should never be used to prevent a wife from expressing a reasonable concern or identifying a harmful decision.

Practical Application: When you disagree, explain your concerns calmly, listen to your husband's reasoning, and seek a solution that honours God and protects the family.

d) Protect Your Husband's Dignity (Proverbs 31:11-12)

Proverbs 31 describes a virtuous wife as one in whom her husband can safely trust. Her conduct brings him good rather than harm. This picture includes integrity, reliability, wisdom, and concern for the wellbeing of the household.

Protecting a husband's dignity does not mean concealing abuse, serious wrongdoing, or danger from people who can provide help. Rather, it means avoiding unnecessary ridicule, gossip, and actions intended to destroy his reputation. When a serious problem exists, the wife should seek appropriate and trustworthy support.

Practical Application: Be trustworthy in private matters, speak fairly about your husband, and seek wise assistance when serious problems require intervention.

Biblical Example: Abigail (1 Samuel 25:14-35)

Abigail responded with wisdom when her husband Nabal acted foolishly and placed the household in danger. She used discernment and took responsible action to prevent bloodshed. Her example demonstrates that godly character involves wisdom and courage, not passive agreement with every action of a spouse.

3. SUBMISSION INVOLVES WISDOM, COOPERATION, AND PARTNERSHIP

God did not design marriage as a contest in which one person must win and the other must lose. Husband and wife are partners who share a life, a household, and many responsibilities. A wife's submission should be expressed through wise cooperation, meaningful contribution, and a commitment to the wellbeing of the family.

Cooperation does not mean that a wife has no independent thoughts or that the husband must make every decision without her input. A wise husband values his wife's perspective, and a wise wife contributes her insight constructively. Together, they can make decisions that reflect prayer, sound judgment, and mutual responsibility.

a) Recognise Yourself as a Suitable Partner (Genesis 2:18)

God declared that it was not good for the man to be alone and made a suitable helper for him. The biblical idea of a helper does not imply that a wife is inferior. Scripture also describes God as the helper of His people, demonstrating that helping is not a position of lesser value.

A wife contributes companionship, insight, practical support, and many other gifts to the marriage. Her role is not merely to follow instructions but to participate meaningfully in the shared life of the family.

Practical Application: Use your abilities, knowledge, and experience to strengthen your marriage and contribute to the family's wellbeing.

b) Consult and Cooperate in Family Decisions (Proverbs 15:22)

Proverbs teaches that plans are established through counsel. Decisions about finances, children, work, education, ministry, and extended family can have lasting consequences. They should therefore be handled with careful thought and meaningful discussion.

A wife demonstrates wisdom when she shares her perspective honestly and listens to her husband's concerns. Cooperation allows the couple to identify risks, consider alternatives, and make decisions with greater understanding.

Practical Application: Participate actively in family discussions, offer constructive suggestions, and work with your husband towards wise and responsible decisions.

c) Support Your Husband Without Losing Your Discernment (Proverbs 31:26)

The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 speaks with wisdom, and the law of kindness is on her tongue. Her example demonstrates that godly womanhood includes discernment, initiative, and the ability to contribute wise counsel.

Supporting a husband does not require agreeing with every proposal. If a decision appears financially reckless, morally wrong, or harmful to the family, a wife should communicate her concerns honestly. A Christian marriage should welcome truth and wisdom rather than demand unquestioning agreement.

Practical Application: Offer counsel respectfully, raise legitimate concerns, and seek trustworthy advice when an important decision remains unresolved.

d) Work Together Towards Shared Goals (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

Ecclesiastes teaches that two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labour, and one can help the other when either falls. Marriage provides an opportunity for shared effort and mutual support.

Couples can work together towards financial stability, raising children, serving God, developing their gifts, and supporting others. Such partnership requires communication, patience, and a willingness to adjust plans when circumstances change.

Practical Application: Discuss your family's goals with your husband and agree on practical steps you can take together to achieve them.

Biblical Example: Priscilla (Acts 18:24-26)

Priscilla, together with her husband Aquila, helped Apollos understand the way of God more accurately. She was actively involved in Christian ministry and contributed to the spiritual instruction of another believer. Her example shows that a godly wife can exercise spiritual wisdom and serve meaningfully while working in partnership with her husband.

4. SUBMISSION MUST BE ROOTED IN LOVE AND TRUST

Godly submission cannot be separated from the quality of the marital relationship. Ephesians 5 presents the wife's submission alongside the husband's command to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. The husband is not given permission to demand submission while neglecting his responsibility to love, honour, and care for his wife.

Love and trust help create an atmosphere where cooperation can flourish. Trust is strengthened through honesty, faithfulness, responsibility, and consistent conduct. A wife should not be expected to pretend that trust exists where there is persistent deception or harmful behaviour. Trust may need to be rebuilt through repentance, accountability, and time.

a) Submit as Unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22)

The wife's submission is ultimately an act of Christian obedience. Her desire should be to honour the Lord through the way she relates to her husband. This means that submission should flow from faith and conviction rather than from intimidation or manipulation.

However, the husband is not the Lord Jesus Christ, and his wishes are not automatically identical to God's will. A wife remains accountable to God and must not be compelled to participate in sin or violate her conscience to satisfy her husband.

Practical Application: Let your relationship with Christ guide your marital conduct and give you wisdom to distinguish godly cooperation from demands that contradict Scripture.

b) Respond to Sacrificial Love With Respect (Ephesians 5:25)

Paul commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. When a husband demonstrates genuine sacrificial love, his wife has an opportunity to respond with trust, appreciation, and respect.

This does not mean that a wife's dignity depends on whether her husband behaves perfectly. Nor does it mean that a husband can excuse his own failures by pointing to his wife's response. Each partner is responsible before God for his or her own conduct.

A healthy marriage develops when both partners take their responsibilities seriously and seek to strengthen the relationship through consistent love.

Practical Application: Recognise sincere efforts your husband makes to love and care for you, and encourage growth through honest, respectful communication.

c) Build Trust Through Faithfulness (Proverbs 31:11)

Proverbs 31:11 says that the heart of the woman's husband safely trusts in her. Trust develops through honesty, reliability, and consistency.

A wife contributes to marital trust by keeping commitments, communicating honestly, and managing responsibilities with integrity. Trust is not established through secrecy, manipulation, or repeated broken promises.

Both husband and wife must protect the trust in their relationship. If trust has been damaged, rebuilding it requires truth, accountability, and sustained change.

Practical Application: Be honest in your words and actions, keep your commitments, and address misunderstandings before they become deeper problems.

d) Cultivate Peace Without Concealing Wrongdoing (Romans 12:18)

Romans 12:18 teaches believers, as far as it depends on them, to live peaceably with all people. A wife can contribute to peace by avoiding needless quarrels, responding thoughtfully, and seeking reconciliation where possible.

However, peace does not mean pretending that abuse, threats, infidelity, or serious wrongdoing do not exist. Genuine peace requires truth and responsible action. Where there is violence or danger, the priority must be safety, and seeking help from trusted people or appropriate authorities is not a violation of godly submission.

Practical Application: Pursue peace through honest communication and forgiveness, while maintaining appropriate boundaries and seeking help when safety or wellbeing is threatened.

Biblical Example: Esther (Esther 4:10-16; 5:1-8)

Esther approached King Ahasuerus with wisdom and courage when her people faced danger. She prepared carefully, communicated thoughtfully, and acted with purpose. Her example demonstrates that respect and wise conduct can coexist with courage, discernment, and decisive action.

5. A GODLY WIFE CULTIVATES INNER BEAUTY AND SPIRITUAL MATURITY

The Bible places great value on a woman's inner character. First Peter 3:3-4 contrasts outward adornment with the incorruptible beauty of a meek and quiet spirit. This passage does not prohibit personal grooming or mean that a woman must never speak. It emphasises that character and spiritual maturity are more lasting than outward appearance.

A godly wife develops a life shaped by prayer, wisdom, integrity, kindness, and self-control. These qualities strengthen her relationship with God and contribute to the wellbeing of her home. They also help her respond to challenges without allowing anger, insecurity, or bitterness to control her decisions.

a) Cultivate a Gentle and Meek Spirit (1 Peter 3:4)

Peter describes a meek and quiet spirit as precious in God's sight. Meekness is not weakness; it is strength governed by humility and self-control. A meek person can speak the truth and take necessary action without becoming cruel or arrogant.

A wife who cultivates gentleness learns to respond thoughtfully rather than allowing every disagreement to become a battle. Her strength is seen in her ability to remain principled while treating others with dignity.

Practical Application: Ask the Holy Spirit to help you respond to pressure with patience, self-control, and wisdom.

b) Speak With Wisdom and Kindness (Proverbs 31:26)

The virtuous woman opens her mouth with wisdom, and the law of kindness is on her tongue. Her words are not empty flattery; they are guided by understanding and concern for others.

A wife can use words to encourage her husband, guide her children, strengthen friendships, and contribute to peaceful relationships. At the same time, wisdom requires her to speak honestly when an issue needs correction.

Practical Application: Before responding during a disagreement, consider whether your words are truthful, necessary, respectful, and likely to help resolve the matter.

c) Develop a Life of Prayer and Faith (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

Scripture instructs believers to pray without ceasing. A wife's spiritual strength should not depend entirely on her husband's prayer life or level of commitment. She has her own relationship with God and responsibility to grow in faith.

Through prayer, Bible study, worship, and fellowship, a wife can develop spiritual resilience and discernment. Her faith can also become a source of encouragement to her family and community.

Practical Application: Maintain a consistent personal devotional life and pray for wisdom concerning your marriage, family, and responsibilities.

d) Practise Diligence and Good Stewardship (Proverbs 31:13-19)

Proverbs 31 portrays a woman who works diligently, manages resources, and acts with wisdom. Her example shows that godly submission does not require passivity or the neglect of responsibilities.

A wife may contribute through paid employment, business, household management, caregiving, ministry, or other meaningful work. Whatever her circumstances, she should seek to use her time, abilities, and resources wisely.

Practical Application: Identify your responsibilities and gifts, manage your resources carefully, and use your abilities to strengthen your family and serve others.

Biblical Example: The Virtuous Woman (Proverbs 31:10-31)

The virtuous woman is trustworthy, industrious, wise, generous, and strong. Her husband trusts her, her household benefits from her diligence, and her works are worthy of praise. Her life demonstrates that godly womanhood combines dignity, wisdom, productive service, and spiritual character.

6. SUBMISSION HAS GODLY BOUNDARIES

Biblical submission must never be used to excuse sin, abuse, or the destruction of a person's dignity. The command in Ephesians 5 is part of a Christ-centred relationship in which both partners are accountable to God. No human authority is absolute, and no marital role cancels a person's responsibility to obey the Lord.

A wife can be respectful while expressing disagreement, seeking counsel, establishing boundaries, and taking appropriate action when her safety is threatened. Such actions should not be confused with rebellion. Godly wisdom recognises that genuine love must be accompanied by truth, justice, and responsible care.

a) Obey God Above Human Demands That Contradict His Word (Acts 5:29)

The apostles declared that they must obey God rather than men. This principle reminds Christians that human instructions cannot override God's commands.

If a husband demands that his wife lie, participate in wrongdoing, abandon her faith, or engage in conduct that violates God's Word, she must not assume that submission requires obedience to such demands.

Practical Application: Remain faithful to God's Word and seek wise spiritual counsel when your husband's demands conflict with biblical convictions.

b) Do Not Confuse Submission With Enduring Abuse (Psalm 82:3-4)

Scripture repeatedly calls God's people to defend the vulnerable and act justly. Violence, threats, coercive control, and humiliation are not expressions of Christlike leadership.

A wife who faces abuse is not required to remain in immediate danger to prove her submission. She should seek safety and appropriate support from trusted people, qualified professionals, church leaders who take abuse seriously, or relevant authorities. Forgiveness and reconciliation, where possible, do not remove the need for accountability and lasting change.

Practical Application: If you are in danger, prioritise safety, reach out for help, and do not allow Scripture to be used to silence you.

c) Seek Wise Counsel in Difficult Situations (Proverbs 11:14)

Proverbs teaches that there is safety in a multitude of counsellors. Some marital issues are too complex to resolve through private discussion alone, especially where there is persistent conflict, addiction, financial deception, or harmful behaviour.

Seeking help is not necessarily a sign of failure. A mature pastor, qualified counsellor, or appropriate professional may help a couple understand the problem and establish a safer, more constructive path forward.

Practical Application: When a serious problem persists, seek wise, trustworthy, and appropriately qualified help rather than suffering in silence.

d) Pursue Truth, Repentance, and Genuine Reconciliation (Ephesians 4:25, 32)

Paul calls believers to speak truth and forgive one another. Genuine reconciliation requires more than pretending that nothing happened. It involves honesty, repentance, accountability, and a willingness to change harmful patterns.

A wife may be willing to forgive while still needing time and evidence before trust can be restored. She should not be pressured into immediate reconciliation where serious harm remains unresolved.

Practical Application: Pursue forgiveness and peace where possible, but allow truth, safety, accountability, and consistent change to guide the process of rebuilding trust.

Biblical Example: The Hebrew Midwives (Exodus 1:15-21)

Shiphrah and Puah refused Pharaoh's command to kill Hebrew male children because they feared God. Their example demonstrates that respect for human authority does not require obedience to commands that violate God's will. Faithfulness to God must remain the highest priority.

CONCLUSION

The wife's submission, as taught in Ephesians 5:22-24, is a call to godly respect, willing cooperation, wisdom, and faithfulness within marriage. It does not mean inferiority, silence, or the loss of personal dignity. A Christian wife remains a beloved child of God, a person created in His image, and a fellow heir of His grace. She can respect her husband while expressing her thoughts, contributing her gifts, participating in decisions, and remaining accountable to the Lord. Her submission must always be understood alongside the husband's responsibility to love her sacrificially as Christ loved the Church.

Every Christian wife should therefore seek God's grace to build her marriage through respect, wise communication, faithfulness, prayer, and spiritual maturity. Let your words encourage, your conduct demonstrate integrity, and your decisions reflect godly wisdom. Do not use submission as a tool of manipulation, nor allow anyone to use it as an excuse for abuse or wrongdoing. Seek a marriage in which both husband and wife honour Christ, accept responsibility, and work together in love. As you grow in the Lord, may your life become a testimony of godly character and may your home increasingly reflect the peace, truth, and grace of Jesus Christ.

PRAYER POINTS

1. Father, teach me to honour You in my marriage, in Jesus name.

2. Lord, give me grace to respect my husband with wisdom, in Jesus name.

3. Father, help me communicate with kindness and understanding, in Jesus name.

4. Lord, deliver me from pride, bitterness, and resentment, in Jesus name.

5. Father, help me contribute wisely to my family's wellbeing, in Jesus name.

6. Lord, strengthen my faith and deepen my relationship with You, in Jesus name.

7. Father, give my husband and me wisdom to resolve our differences, in Jesus name.

8. Lord, protect our home from strife, deception, and unfaithfulness, in Jesus name.

9. Father, help me grow in godly character and spiritual maturity, in Jesus name.

10. Lord, let my marriage glorify Christ and reflect Your grace, in Jesus name.

PROPHETIC DECLARATIONS

1. You will grow in wisdom, grace, and godly character.

2. You will express respect without losing your God-given dignity.

3. You will receive wisdom to communicate with kindness and truth.

4. You will become a source of encouragement and strength in your home.

5. You will grow in faith, prayer, and spiritual maturity.

6. You will receive discernment to make wise decisions.

7. You will contribute meaningfully to the peace and wellbeing of your family.

8. You will receive courage to stand for truth and seek help when necessary.

9. You and your husband will grow in mutual respect, responsibility, and love.

10. Your life will reflect the grace and wisdom of Christ, in the mighty name of Jesus.