SPEAKING WORDS THAT BUILD

SPEAKING WORDS THAT BUILD

By Rev. Samuel Arimoro

Main Text: Ephesians 4:29

Key Verse: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” — Ephesians 4:29 (KJV)

Supporting Texts: Proverbs 12:18; Proverbs 15:1; Proverbs 16:24; Matthew 12:34-37; Colossians 4:6; 1 Thessalonians 5:11; James 3:2-10.

Description: This sermon teaches believers how to use their words to encourage, strengthen, correct, and inspire others while reflecting the grace of Christ.

INTRODUCTION

Words are powerful instruments that can shape attitudes, influence decisions, strengthen relationships, and affect destinies. A single word of encouragement can restore hope to a discouraged person, while careless speech can wound the heart and destroy years of friendship. God has given us the ability to communicate, and He expects us to use this gift wisely.

In Ephesians 4:29, Paul commands believers to reject corrupt communication and speak words that build others up. The verse teaches that Christian speech must serve a positive purpose. Our conversations should not merely express our feelings; they should communicate truth, offer encouragement, provide correction, and minister grace to those who hear us.

Speaking words that build requires a transformed heart, a disciplined tongue, and a willingness to consider the needs of others. It means choosing encouragement over condemnation, truth over falsehood, kindness over cruelty, and restoration over destruction. Every believer must learn to use the tongue as an instrument of blessing rather than a weapon of injury.

1. UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF YOUR WORDS

Words are not empty sounds. They carry meaning, communicate attitudes, and influence the people who hear them. The way we speak to our spouses, children, church members, colleagues, and neighbours can either strengthen their confidence or deepen their discouragement.

As Christians, we must stop treating speech as an insignificant part of our spiritual lives. The same mouth that worships God should not be used to destroy people created in His image. We must learn to speak with awareness of the influence our words can have.

a) Your Words Can Give Life or Cause Harm (Proverbs 18:21)

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” — Proverbs 18:21 (KJV)

Our words can encourage someone to rise after failure or make them feel incapable of trying again. Words of wisdom can direct people towards good decisions, while insults and destructive criticism can damage their confidence.

This does not mean that words alone determine every person's future, but they can significantly influence attitudes, relationships, and choices. Therefore, speak carefully. Let your words contribute to healing, courage, wisdom, and progress.

b) Your Words Reveal the Condition of Your Heart (Matthew 12:34)

“For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.” — Matthew 12:34b (KJV)

Jesus teaches that speech reveals what is stored within the heart. A heart filled with bitterness often produces bitter words, while a heart shaped by God's Word is better prepared to speak with grace.

If you consistently speak harshly, dishonestly, or contemptuously, do not merely try to change your vocabulary. Allow God to deal with the pride, resentment, anger, or insecurity behind your words. A renewed heart produces a renewed pattern of speech.

c) Your Words Can Influence Destinies (Proverbs 12:18)

“There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.” — Proverbs 12:18 (KJV)

Some words cut deeply, while others bring healing. A parent who continually tells a child that they are useless may discourage that child's confidence. A teacher who patiently explains a difficult subject may help a learner discover a new ability.

Be careful about the labels you place on people. Correct their mistakes without declaring that they are failures. Speak to the possibility of growth, responsibility, and change.

d) Speak with Wisdom and Self-Control (James 1:19)

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:” — James 1:19 (KJV)

Many hurtful statements are spoken because people react before thinking. They answer in anger, interrupt others, or make accusations without listening carefully.

Learn to pause before responding, especially when emotions are strong. Listening first can help you understand the situation and choose words that are appropriate and constructive.

Biblical Example: Abigail (1 Samuel 25:23-35)

Abigail used respectful and wise words to calm David when he was preparing to take revenge on Nabal. Her response helped prevent bloodshed. She demonstrated that words spoken with wisdom can reduce conflict and protect lives.

2. SPEAK WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Encouragement is one of the most practical ways to build people. Everyone experiences seasons of weakness, disappointment, uncertainty, and failure. During such moments, a sincere word can remind someone that their situation is not the end of their story.

Encouragement does not mean flattering people or pretending that everything is perfect. It means recognising what is good, reminding people of truth, strengthening them to continue, and helping them see constructive possibilities even in difficult circumstances.

a) Strengthen Those Who Are Weary (Isaiah 50:4)

“The Lord GOD hath given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary...” — Isaiah 50:4a (KJV)

A word spoken at the right time can meet a deep emotional need. Someone who is exhausted may need reassurance. Someone who has failed may need help to learn and begin again. Someone who is grieving may need compassionate words rather than quick advice.

Ask God to help you recognise the needs of people around you. Do not wait until you have a long sermon to deliver before you encourage someone. Sometimes a simple, sincere statement can make a meaningful difference.

b) Encourage One Another Daily (Hebrews 3:13)

“But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.” — Hebrews 3:13 (KJV)

Encouragement should be a regular Christian practice, not something reserved for special occasions. Believers need reminders of God's truth and encouragement to remain faithful.

Encourage your family, pray with fellow believers, appreciate those who serve faithfully, and strengthen people who are growing in their faith. A church in which members build one another will be better equipped to face challenges together.

c) Remind People of Their God-Given Potential (Philippians 1:6)

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:” — Philippians 1:6 (KJV)

People may become discouraged when their progress is slow. They may compare themselves with others and conclude that they will never improve. We can help by reminding them that growth is a process and that God continues to work in the lives of those who trust Him.

Encourage people to remain faithful, learn from their mistakes, and take responsible steps towards maturity. Do not promise outcomes God has not guaranteed; instead, point people to His faithfulness and the next step of obedience.

d) Recognise and Appreciate What Others Do Well (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

“Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (KJV)

Appreciation communicates that another person's efforts have been noticed. Many people serve faithfully without receiving recognition. A sincere expression of gratitude can strengthen their willingness to continue.

Learn to appreciate genuine effort, kindness, progress, and faithfulness. Do not reserve encouraging words only for prominent people. Every person deserves to be treated with dignity.

Biblical Example: Barnabas (Acts 9:26-28)

When the disciples were afraid of Saul following his conversion, Barnabas brought him to the apostles and explained what had happened. Barnabas helped others recognise the change God had worked in Saul's life. His encouraging intervention helped create an opportunity for Saul to be received among the believers.

3. SPEAK WORDS THAT TEACH AND CORRECT

Building people does not mean agreeing with everything they do. Sometimes love requires correction, warning, or instruction. However, correction should be aimed at helping people recognise the truth and make better choices, not at humiliating them.

The difference between destructive criticism and godly correction often lies in the motive, manner, and purpose. Destructive criticism seeks to shame, while godly correction seeks to restore. We must learn to speak truthfully without abandoning kindness.

a) Speak the Truth in Love (Ephesians 4:15)

“But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:” — Ephesians 4:15 (KJV)

Truth and love belong together. Love without truth may allow harmful behaviour to continue, while truth expressed without love may create unnecessary wounds.

When correction is needed, explain the issue clearly and respectfully. Avoid exaggeration, insults, and sweeping statements about a person's character. Address the behaviour and help the person understand how to improve.

b) Use Gentle Words When Correcting (Galatians 6:1)

“Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness...” — Galatians 6:1a (KJV)

Paul instructs spiritual believers to restore those who have fallen with meekness. The aim is recovery, not public disgrace.

Before correcting someone, examine your own attitude. Choose an appropriate time and place, explain the concern honestly, and remain humble. A gentle approach does not weaken the truth; it can make the truth easier to receive.

c) Give Instruction That Promotes Wisdom (Proverbs 15:31)

“The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise.” — Proverbs 15:31 (KJV)

Wise instruction helps people recognise mistakes and make better decisions. Parents, teachers, pastors, employers, and mentors all have opportunities to guide others through their words.

Do not correct merely to prove that you are right. Explain what needs to change and, where possible, show the person how to make that change. Good instruction should provide direction, not simply identify failure.

d) Reject Words That Humiliate Others (Ephesians 4:29)

Paul commands believers to speak what is good for edification. This excludes using people's weaknesses as entertainment or exposing their failures to make ourselves appear superior.

Do not embarrass others unnecessarily, especially in public. If someone needs private correction, address the matter respectfully. Protecting a person's dignity does not mean concealing serious wrongdoing; it means handling matters responsibly and without needless humiliation.

Biblical Example: Nathan and David (2 Samuel 12:1-13)

Nathan confronted David about his sin by using a story that helped the king recognise his wrongdoing. When Nathan clearly identified David's guilt, David acknowledged his sin. Nathan's example shows that correction may be direct and serious while still serving the purpose of exposing wrongdoing and calling a person to repentance.

4. USE YOUR WORDS TO PROMOTE PEACE AND UNITY

Words can either strengthen relationships or create divisions. Families have been separated by harsh accusations, churches have experienced conflict through gossip, and friendships have ended because people refused to communicate respectfully.

Believers should become agents of peace. This does not mean avoiding every difficult conversation or hiding important truths. It means refusing to add unnecessary hostility to disagreements and seeking solutions that honour God and respect people.

a) Give a Soft Answer (Proverbs 15:1)

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” — Proverbs 15:1 (KJV)

A gentle answer can reduce tension when someone is angry. Harsh replies often provoke further hostility, making a small disagreement more serious.

When you are provoked, resist the urge to match another person's tone. Speak calmly, state your concerns clearly, and allow time for emotions to settle when necessary. You cannot control every response, but you can take responsibility for your own words.

b) Avoid Words That Sow Discord (Proverbs 16:28)

“A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.” — Proverbs 16:28 (KJV)

Some people create division by carrying stories from one person to another, adding their own interpretations, or repeating private conversations. Such behaviour can destroy relationships and weaken trust.

Refuse to spread rumours or pass along unverified accusations. If you hear a damaging report, consider whether it is necessary to repeat it and whether it can be addressed through a truthful and responsible process.

c) Pursue Peace with Your Words (Romans 12:18)

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” — Romans 12:18 (KJV)

Peace requires intentional effort. Sometimes we must apologise, clarify misunderstandings, forgive offences, or agree to discuss a difficult issue respectfully.

You may not be able to make every relationship peaceful because other people also have choices and responsibilities. Nevertheless, do your part by refusing revenge, speaking truthfully, and seeking reconciliation where it is appropriate and safe.

d) Let Your Words Be Full of Grace (Colossians 4:6)

“Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” — Colossians 4:6 (KJV)

Grace-filled speech considers the person, the situation, and the likely effect of our response. It is neither careless nor needlessly offensive. It communicates truth with wisdom and respect.

In your home, church, workplace, and community, choose words that encourage understanding. Do not use sarcasm, insults, or threats when a respectful explanation can address the issue.

Biblical Example: Gideon (Judges 8:1-3)

When the men of Ephraim complained to Gideon, he answered them with a mild response that helped calm their anger. His words prevented the disagreement from escalating. This account illustrates how a wise answer can help preserve unity during a tense situation.

5. MAKE YOUR MOUTH AN INSTRUMENT OF GRACE

God does not merely want us to avoid harmful speech; He wants our mouths to become instruments through which His grace reaches others. Words of prayer, wisdom, comfort, truth, gratitude, and encouragement can strengthen people and direct their attention towards God.

Our speech must be consistent with the faith we profess. It is contradictory to worship God passionately and then use the same mouth to curse, insult, slander, or deliberately wound people. The Holy Spirit can help us develop habits of speech that reflect the character of Christ.

a) Let Your Words Minister Grace (Ephesians 4:29)

Paul teaches that our words should minister grace to those who hear. Grace-filled communication helps people receive what is useful for their situation, whether it is comfort, instruction, encouragement, or correction.

Before speaking, ask yourself: Is this true? Is it helpful? Is this the right time? Can I express it in a more loving way? Such questions can help you become more thoughtful and responsible in your conversations.

b) Speak Words That Bring Healing (Proverbs 16:24)

“Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.” — Proverbs 16:24 (KJV)

Kind and thoughtful words can bring comfort and refreshment. A sincere apology can begin to repair a damaged relationship, while a message of hope can encourage someone who feels forgotten.

Choose words that help people recover from disappointment and move towards what is good. When people share their struggles, listen with compassion rather than rushing to judge them.

c) Let Gratitude Fill Your Conversations (Ephesians 5:4)

Paul contrasts corrupt and foolish speech with thanksgiving. Gratitude changes the atmosphere of our conversations by directing attention towards God's goodness and the kindness shown by others.

Make thanksgiving part of your daily language. Thank God for His faithfulness, appreciate people who assist you, and acknowledge the good that others contribute. Gratitude does not deny life's difficulties; it helps us respond without allowing complaints to dominate every conversation.

d) Depend on the Holy Spirit for Self-Control (Galatians 5:22-23)

The fruit of the Spirit includes gentleness, patience, and temperance. These qualities are essential for speaking wisely, particularly when we are tired, angry, disappointed, or under pressure.

Ask the Holy Spirit to govern your reactions and help you recognise when your words are becoming destructive. When you fail, repent, apologise where necessary, and learn to respond better. Spiritual growth includes the daily discipline of allowing God to shape our speech.

Biblical Example: Jesus Christ (Luke 4:22)

“And all bare him witness, and wondered at the gracious words which proceeded out of his mouth...” — Luke 4:22a (KJV)

The words of Jesus made a deep impression on His hearers. Throughout His ministry, He taught truth, offered hope, corrected error, and called people to repentance. His example reminds us that our speech should reflect both the truth of God and the grace of His character.

CONCLUSION

Speaking words that build is a responsibility every believer must take seriously. Our words can encourage the weary, guide the inexperienced, correct wrongdoing, restore relationships, and communicate God's grace. We must reject gossip, insults, falsehood, and destructive criticism, choosing instead to speak with wisdom, kindness, truth, and self-control. A transformed life should be heard in the way we speak.

Make a fresh commitment to use your mouth as an instrument of blessing. Encourage someone who is discouraged, appreciate someone who has served faithfully, apologise to anyone you have wounded, and correct others with love when necessary. Ask the Holy Spirit to guard your tongue and fill your heart with God's Word. Let your speech build lives, strengthen relationships, and bring glory to Jesus Christ.

PRAYER POINTS

1. Lord, make my words a source of life in Jesus name.

2. Father, remove every destructive habit from my speech in Jesus name.

3. Help me to encourage the weary in Jesus name.

4. Give me wisdom to correct others in love in Jesus name.

5. Let my words promote peace and unity in Jesus name.

6. Holy Spirit, guard my tongue in Jesus name.

7. Deliver me from gossip, slander, and insults in Jesus name.

8. Fill my heart with Your Word and grace in Jesus name.

9. Help me to speak truth with kindness in Jesus name.

10. Make my mouth an instrument of blessing in Jesus name.

PROPHETIC DECLARATIONS

1. Your words shall bring life and encouragement in Jesus name.

2. You shall speak with wisdom and grace in Jesus name.

3. Your tongue shall build and not destroy in Jesus name.

4. You shall become an instrument of peace in Jesus name.

5. Your words shall strengthen the weak in Jesus name.

6. You shall overcome anger and careless speech in Jesus name.

7. Your conversations shall be filled with truth and kindness in Jesus name.

8. Your relationships shall be strengthened by godly communication in Jesus name.

9. You shall speak words that honour God in Jesus name.

10. Through your words, many shall receive hope and encouragement in the mighty name of Jesus.